A
female
age
30-35,
*shlovesshawnh
writes:Ive been seeing this guy for 2 months and weve been having sex for one month but whenever i start talking serious about a relationship or ask what i am to him he freezes up. why cant he just tell me if im his girlfriend or if im just a friend with benefits?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): It's not to his advantage to tell you because then you will stop having sex with him. Keeping things ambiguous and unanswered leads you to think there is a chance at a relationship because it is a self lie and not HIS lie to you so he carries no guilt for using you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): He freezes up because he's worried if he tells you he's only after sex that you won't give it to him anymore. That's one possibility.
Another is he's just afraid of commitment and feels pressured when you bring it up.
The only way to find out is to stop the sex and start dating properly. If he walks away because there's no more sex then you'll know what you meant to him.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (7 February 2011):
 He freezes up because he doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know what he wants, other than regular sex. Sorry to say it, but he probably doesn't think of the relationship as a serious one. You started sleeping together way too soon, and did so before anything was official, so this is more of a casual/FWB arrangement than anything else.
To avoid this confusion in the future, keep your legs closed until the relationship is official and exclusive. Don't wait around for a guy that doesn't know what he wants, like this one.
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A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 If you're saying to him 'where is this going' then he's going to freak out, you haven't even been together very long. That said, you do have a right to know if this is just about the sex or if he's hoping to become more. Ask him outright, don't make a big deal of it just drop it into conversation and if he won't give you an answer then move on. Uncertainty is an awful thing and you deserve to know where you stand.
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