A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years back in July, as for the last 2 years I felt extremely neglected. He had all the time in the world for everyone else apart from me, he put everyone’s needs and emotions first before mine. I tired to communicate how I felt on numerous occasions but was either ignored or I was shut down and told to “man up and get over”. I went through a lot mentally the last 2 years including feeling suicidal (I had to have therapy) and he still doesn’t know the full extent as he constantly shut me down. It felt like he just didn’t care anymore. I eventually plucked up the courage to end things so I could focus on myself and just be me and happy again, this obviously didn’t go too well and he was very upset which to this day still haunts me because I hurt the man I love more than anything. During the three months post breakup, he was extremely nasty and horrible to me and said some hurtful stuff. I eventually decided to let go, cut ties and move on, I stopped contacting my ex and decided to be happy I even met somebody new however I soon realised that I was still in love with my ex. As a result I thought it was best to cut boys out for now and just be on my own and I was doing incredibly well until my ex got back in contact. We got on well just like old times but then I decided to be honest and tell him I had got with somebody else and now he completely wants to cut ties with me. He had created this narrative that I only ended things because I wanted to be with somebody else and now that hasn’t worked I want him back blah blah blah. The thing is I know my ex, when he is hurt or upset he says the most hurtful things to push you away but I’m still madly in love with him. He told me from now on not to contact him unless I’ve been hurt or any other emergency. What do I do? Should I keep fighting for us and the man I love or simply let go of him?
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broke up, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2021): Oh, I forgot to address that suicidal stuff!
Girlfriend, you do not kill yourself over some guy! That is nothing but drama queen behavior. The sooner you getaway, and the farther you getaway, the better! You need to get yourself in therapy! Make sure all the screws are tight, and everything is okay! Talking suicide is not a joke! You're lying there in a casket; while your loved-ones are devastated and crying over you. Then all your friends go back to their lives as usual, with sad stories to tell. Meanwhile, he's alive and above-ground; dating other women, and telling them all what a pain in the butt you were.
Do you simply let-go? Seriously?!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2021): Are you really in-love with your ex, or addicted to the drama? Seems to me, that somebody who shuts me down or shuts me out is a total waste of my time and feelings!!! Yet, there's a lot of drama to be had going back and forth, or up and down with somebody you claimed treated you like an annoying pimple!
How many times have I heard about the reconnection with an ex; then this wonderful reconciliation blossoms out nowhere, and everybody's all lovey-dovey and mushy again! Only for the bottom to fall-out; and you have to go through Breakup II, the sequel!
At best, the rehash of feelings is just what people feel when they are full of confusion and indecision...and horny! The feelings are nothing but rebound and regret; and post-breakup jealousy, induced by the thought of an ex having sex with somebody else. When you haven't had sex for awhile, it seems new after separation. It's all in your head. The reality is, everything is still the same. He's the same, and you're the same. He just needed to know if you were screwing around with other guys; and soon as he found-out, you were as good as rubbish to him. You needed to know if he was still pining for you. If he didn't show you love when he had you, where'd all those feelings come from after you broke-up? Does anybody ever stop and ask themselves this question?
Kill the drama, change your number, remove him from all your contacts, block, delete, and move on...then move to a new place, when this pandemic is under control. You need a change of scenery and a fresh start. You also need to grow-up and see life through the eyes of an adult.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (3 January 2021):
 I don't see the point in fighting for your ex, as there is simply nothing to fight for.
He does not sound like a very nice person to me, and will pick you up, put you down and say hurtful things to you, is this really someone you want in your life?.
He is manipulative, and wants to control you by playing with your emotions.
You need to cut contact with him and move on. Also i would refrain from dating right now until you are completely over the relationship with your ex.
I know you say you think your still in love with him, but these feelings will soon dissipate.
You need to get yourself back together and be strong enough to cut all contact with him. Concentrate on getting your self back together and learning to love yourself again. Go out, do things that make your heart sing, and sooner or later the feeling for your ex will diminish and you can finally move on with your life and meet someone nice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2021): Look, you've got some really good answers, so I won't discuss it any further.
I'll just ask you how can you be in love with someone who abuses you? This is not healthy. If it's really true you need to understand why you feel that way and accept this kindffo behavior in order to change it, otherwise you will just repeat the pattern.
You could benefit from therapy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 January 2021):
 There isn't much to fight FOR, OP
He wasn't a good BF to you. You weren't a good fit. And when you ENDED it he was verbally abusive and what do you do? You make up EXCUSES for him?!
CUT him off. Stop trying to be his FRIEND. You are not his friend, he is your ex, you are his ex.
OF course he wants to change the narrative to you just wanted a little on the side and then come back to him... Because it SOUNDS better than him having to admit he was a SHITE BF!
Stick to the non contact. Don't try and date someone else right now. Focus on you. On WHY you stayed so long with someone who didn't make you a priority, who STILL tries to control the narrative and what you can and can not do.
BLOCK him on everything.
Do some self care, journal and set yourself some goals for yourself. (no dating wise but personal growth wise).
Let him go.
Set yourself FREE.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (1 January 2021):
 Why would you fight for a relationship which contributed towards damaging your mental health? Why would you fight for a man who only sees things on his terms, a man who twists things to suit his narrative? Why would you fight for a man who had time for everyone but you? How is this "love"? Sounds more like obsession to me.
You would not read a book and expect a different ending; why would you go back to a relationship which damaged you and expect it to work? Assuming of course your ex would even consider taking you back, now that he has absolved himself of any wrongdoing and put the breakup completely on your shoulders with his "version" of your past.
Don't date until you are completely over him. Concentrate on yourself - on your career, your physical and mental health and, most of all, your happiness. Learn to love YOURSELF because, until you do, you will not have the strength to demand that someone else loves you as you deserve.
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