A
male
age
30-35,
*asonvpn
writes:I haven't dated anyone since my ex and I broke up 9 monthhs ago. We had dated for 2 years, and within a week after we had broken up she was with someone else, and I had been completely replaced. After that experience I dont know if I want to let anyone in for a while longer. I just dont want to get hurt again. I was devasted, and its only recently that I've been getting back in my old groove again, being happy, exercising, advancing in my pursuits. Although I'm doing better, I'm also afraid that its a very fragile recovery, and I'm weary of risking my heart again. But at the same time, I'm very lonely. About a month ago I met a very pretty and sort of nice girl at my friend's birthday party. I was feeling ballsy, and I approached her and her friend. I heard that she was single, so I offered to buy her a drink... but when I got to the bar I realized I had completely run out of cash and I had to somewhat sheepishly retract my offer..A couple days later I found out that she had only just recently broken up with her boyfriend, who had cheated on her, and she was on a bit of a man rampage. I was a bit turned off. I dont come off this way in person (I think) but I'm a bit more a traditional/ old fashioned kind of guy-- I like to have one girl at a time, and I dont really sleep around, and I expect the same from whatever girl I'm with. Alright so about a week after this, I was at the bar with some friends, playing pool, and she was there. She was very drunk, and myself, I wasn't drinking. When we were talking she wasn't making much sense, and I was a bit annoyed, so I just concentrated on my pool game. But she came over and we talked / flirted for a bit. Then there a graduation party for the kids in my university. I drank quite a bit, and I was running around having a good time. towards the end of the night, I ended up in the same area as she was, and she pulled me to one of the couches, sat on my lap and we started hooking up. I was thrilled! I hadn't kissed a girl in who knows how long. It was good to get some lovin. At the end of the night I asked her for her number, she said no, get it from (a mutual friend of ours). I was confused, but I kissed her goodbye and left. I decided not to ask our friend for her number. I'm guessing she didn't want me to have it for some reason or another. After getting over my initial confusion, I realized I kinda liked the arrangement. No pressure to text, no pressure to contact. It was just a drunken hookup! Thats all! Although she popped into my head a couple of times, I was pretty alright with leaving it as it was. I later invited our mutual friend to go play pool with me and some buddies, but she said she was at this other bar in lower east side, and that we should come. We played for an hour then headed over. I got there, and apparently the girl had told all of our mutual friends about us hooking up. I just nodded, playin' it cool ya kno. Then to my suprise, she showed up at the bar! We ignored eachother at first, but I didnt want to be awkward like I used to be, so I just decided to wave to her, get the greeting out of the way. An hour or so later, I still hadn't talked with her, and I was a bit bored, so I put my jacket on to leave. She was like, its only 2am, are you really going to leave? I was like, yeah, its late. She said, fine, you can go, just go now and go home alll alone... No doubt she was hinting that if I stayed, I would not go home alone--- she would go back with me. I stayed. We hung out for a while, and we were there together when everyone had left, she was sitting on my lap, and we were kissing and talking. Mostly talking. We were getting along pretty well, flirting, talking kissing. She was a bit drunk... I was kinda sober. I dont know her well enough to know if she was just being drunk. Anyway, after last call I walked her to a cab, and we kissed, and she said I'll see you next time. Whatever that means!Thanks for getting through the long intro, now heres my problem. I cant get her out of my head. She has popped in at least 15 times today. It feels pathetic to admit that I've thought about her so many times since I last saw her (3 days). The thing is, I think I like this girl, quite a bit, and I dont even know her. At the same time, I dont want to get hurt. I really, really dont. And its hard to trust someone you dont know. If she's just getting over her ex, and shes still hooking up with people all over the place, then I definitely shouldnt try to be there. But how do I know? And if I spend more time with her, then I know I'll like her more (shes very charming).And I can never tell what women are thinking. Does she kinda like me too? Or is she just using me? Should I avoid seeing her, or should I just not hook-up with her next time we're together? I'm not good at separating hooking up and my feelings. They tend to go hand in hand. But should I just try to have some fun with her? Am I being too serious about this whole thing? How important are relationships at this age, especially given that we just graduated from university, anyway? What should I do??? Advice please!
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broke up, drunk, flirt, her ex, kissing, my ex, text, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (22 May 2012):
You are over analysing the situation. Just ask her out/go steady or whatever it is that people your age say. :P
Yeah you don't want to get hurt...but you have to grow some balls ya? Life isn't about letting fear control you. It IS about taking those chances and risks. That is the only way we learn and progress. Yeah she might say no and all that other stuff about her but its not really about her. It is about you and you know what you want so just go for it. Even if she says no at least u can have some fun till you meet another.
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