A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am so in love with my new boyfriend (we've been together for 2 months) but there's a small problem.He's just not very showy when it comes to feelings. Don't get me wrong, he can be incredibly sweet - he comes to my place when I'm sick and brings me medicine and tea. He's also incredibly loving when I'm angry (at him) - he starts kissing me, hugging me and caressing me until I can no longer act grumpy.However, most of the time I have be the one to hold his hand first, I have to be the first to kiss him. Although he sometimes does these things, most times I'm the one to be more affectionate. I think it's my previous relationship that influences me a lot - because then I used to be the kissed one, the adored one. I've tried to talk to my current boyfriend about it and he just says he's the type that doesn't want to show he cares. He said he doesn't know why, but never acts affectionate and showy. I tried to accept it but I tend to get really self-conscious and sometimes even paranoid - I start obsessing over the fact that he's just about to dump me and he doesn't like me, when in reality, there are no such indications at all. Do you have any idea what should I do? Should I try to get used to his moods or provoke him to be romantic somehow?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013): The main reasons for committing to a relationship is for love, affection, sex, and companionship. If you tell someone you love them, you should reinforce it with your actions and behavior. Otherwise, it's just an empty word.There are givers and takers in this world. Takers don't deserve givers. They give nothing and deserve nothing. You can train your boyfriend to be more affectionate. It's very easy. You have to back it up with positive reinforcement until he gets used to it. Don't accept his lame excuses.Reach for his hand, look into his eyes with a smile. When he takes your hand, give him a gentle kiss. Do it each and every time. He'll get so used to it, that when you don't he'll wonder what's wrong. He'll start doing it on his own when he needs to find a way to soothe you when you're angry or sad. Or just for no reason.If he's sitting alone. Put a tiny spritz of perfume behind your ear and curl up next to him. He'll sniff your hair and neck. It's almost an involuntary reaction. Get the best smelling shampoos and conditioners. We guys love it!Then when you make love, be more aggressive. Place his hands where you want them, and prolong the foreplay before you give in to him. You can't be a wuss and give in out of frustration. He isn't used to being openly affectionate. You have to pull it out of him. Do extra sexy things as reward for good behavior.Massage his shoulders after work. Ask him to rub your feet. Keep making this a part of a routine. Ask him to do something sexy and naughty out of the clear blue. Pout in a sexy way, until he gives in. Givers can make takers into givers just by showing them how. Men need affection just like women do. He is attracted to you because you're sweet and affectionate. He feels awkward doing it in return, so you make it easy and spontaneous. It takes practice. Your relationship is very new, so he is just getting to know you.Don't confuse being clingy with being affectionate. Pawing, grabbing, pulling, and poking gets annoying. Especially when accompanied by whining and complaining. Always being in the way, rubbing elbows, or stifling. That is the extreme end of the spectrum. People who do this are neither givers nor takers.They're "needy!!!" That can be quite sickening. Their very presence is a turn-off. Their facial expressions and body-language drives people away. That's why they have to beg and cling.Greet his home-comings with kisses. Don't ask, just give them. Say good-bye with a kiss. Don't complain if he forgets, just give him one. I watched my mom do this for years. It turned my dad into a loving grizzly bear.When she passed away, he said he worked hard all day looking forward to seeing my mom. She made him feel like a king, and he felt he could never do enough to show us all how much he loves us. I turned out to be just like both of them. I even see the same in my siblings. We hug, we touch, and our mates reciprocate. We don't smoother. That's needy!It's a taught behavior. Get to work! Good luck!
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (8 April 2013):
Some people are warmer than others and able to show their feelings-other like your boyfriend are a little slower but that is not to say they dont have feelings for you.Your boyfriend seems very nice and i have no doubt with your loving and understanding he will respond to you very well.Best Luck Nora B.
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