A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Since I was 16 the longest I've been single is about a week. I have had an 8 year relationship and I've just come out of a 7 month relationship. Within a couple of days I was on a date with somebody else. My ex wasn't at all nice to me, really jealous and possessive and made my life hell so I don't feel bad for moving on. The trouble is since we split up I get asked out on dates all the time, I'm quite friendly and I'm always happy and smiling so I think people can approach me easily. I'm going out with a guy tomorrow weho I've seen a couple of times now, then someone else on sunday and then somebody else in the week. Its not sitting well with me and I worry what people will say about me going on all these dates all of the time! I haven't slept with any of them so do you think its ok?? Should I just take some time out to be single!
View related questions:
jealous, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): I don't know if anybody noticed the part where I said I was in an 8 year relationship? I would call that pretty meaningful! Plus I'm 27 so that's a huge chunk out of my life.Ok I should put it a different way, I'm not going out of my way to ask people on dates, I haven't asked anyone on a date. I have other people asking me. The person who was horrible was a total nut job, I found out his ex had a restraining order against him. So no I haven't been with a string of abusive men, just him. I wondered if starting to date people, not just one but a few and not jumping into bed I may add! Was normal in this country but judging from the answers I guess not! So if it means I'll get a bad name I'll stop doing it x
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (2 November 2012):
 You only mention two relationships but I presume there been more? Many more? And each time they ended, for whatever reason, within a week, you were in a new relationship?
What counts for you as being single? Because going in less then 1 week from meeting someone to being in a relationship sounds a bit fast to me. Actually, it sounds desperate to me. And not just of you, the guys too.
Unless you mean something else by being single/in a relationship. When does a relationship start for you? Second date? First kiss? Saying Hi?
There are some people who are just afraid of being alone, that could be your case BUT even they usually got to date a bit longer between relationships. Unless you already started dating before the previous relationship ended (doesn't sound likely but would add an important twist to the question and people have been known to leave out unflattering stuff when asking a question)
There is moving on and there is escaping. Are you escaping?
What I also find missing in your question is what you want. He wasn't nice, they talk, they asked you out... And? What is it that YOU want.
You are away that when you are asked out, it is okay to say "no, I just came out of a relationship and need some time alone". Instead, two dates. Do you WANT to date them or did you feel you have to say yes? That you have to be in a relationship, that a single woman is less then she could be?
And finally... how long did it take you to hook up with abusive one. Were other partners before abusive?
It ain't nice to say but I got a definite feeling you are afraid of being alone and let others run your life for you.
Why are you asking if you should take some time out to be single? Do you want to be single for a while or are you asking us to tell you what you must do?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): You only have to look at why you've posted this question to see what the problem is - You dislike your own company.
You really should take time to be single, if you don't you will forever be the type of girl to constantly be in and out of relationships, other people's beds etc, for company because you don't know how to be alone.
Yes your are right, people will start talking and building up an image of you. I've seen it happen before, girls that are nice genuine people, but for one reason or another have felt the constant need for company and attention of men to fill something that is missing in their lives, and they've built the wrong reputation for themselves and often end up at the wrong destination in life.
As a previous person said though, its a personal choice what you do with your life, and I'm going to add that there are consequences for such actions and there is better ways to fill your time than to spend it in and out of pointless relationships and dates constantly.
If/when you feel lonely, why not find a hobby to fill your time, go different places, do different things, see what positive things you can discover about yourself.
There's more to people and more to life than just relationships and dates. Meet people with similar interests and things in common with yourself, make friends with others first. When the time is right, loveee will come along, and because you haven't tried to force it or you haven't just settled for the first person that tells you a few sweet things, it will be a better experience.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 November 2012):
 Hi
Its really personal choice and must be hard to resist dating when your clearly a popular woman.Us mere mortals struggle to get one date!
Thing is I think everyone should be single for a bit, just to get to know themselves and what they want. To experience life doing as you please,without having to consider or answer to anyone.Its an education.
Its up to you and your not sleeping with any of them so its just a date to passs the time really.Why not find something else to do instead ?
...............................
|
