A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 11 years and recently separated from my husband. We have 5 children together, the youngest is under 6 months old and was a total surprise. I already knew I wasn't happy and wasn't planning any more children at that point in our marriage.The pregnancy made me take a long hard look at my life and I knew I couldn't stay in an unhappy marriage and couldn't bring another baby into it. So we have been separated since I was about 3-4 months pregnant but he was still living with us but no relationship with me.I had been trying to make things work for about 2 years since finding out he had done a peeping tom job on my then pregnant sister in the shower about 4 years beforehand. She just didn't tell me until 4 years after it had happened at which point we had already had more children together. He had already done this once before and I had forgiven him and gotten past it.This time though I just can't get over it. This is twice now he has done this to me and both times were my own family. If you happen to stumble upon this too bad (husband), you did it and I need help!We even still conceived one of our kids after I found out as I realy wanted to forgive him again and it hadn't realy hit me if you know what I mean. I had just suffered a miscarriage just before I was told and then we fell pregnant with number 4 the next month. This wasn't the surprise baby. I really was trying to make our marriage work.As time moved on I was fine whilst pregnant with #4 as i was more worried about the pregnancy than thinking about what he had done. However once #4 was born those feelings of hurt and betrayel started. They just kept getting worse and worse.It got to the point where I didn't want him near me. He made me sick. I didn't even want to kiss him. #5 was only conceived after I had had a few drinks and gave in to him just so he would leave me alone and I could go to sleep.His family are all on my back telling me I should just get over it and continue with our marriage. Don't ask me why they feel they have any right to even get involved. they seem to think we should go to them every time we have problems (which we had no other problems before, only this). But why should I live my life in misery? I am only 34 years old. So I probably will never find another man, who would take me on with my brood! I don't care, I don't NEED a man!They also tried to blame me for the whole thing telling me I musn't have been giving him what he needed!!! What the heck! Both times we were actually trying for a baby so there was no lack of sex. If he wasn't happy with my body then he shouldn't have asked me to be his wife!He says he doesn't know why he did it so no answers there. He still wants me and our family and I do still care for him, but I don't think I love him.I also have a teenager from a previous relationship. What about her, how can I trust him not to peep on her?So, am I being a sook here or am I right to stand strong and live up to my morals and what I beleive in? Should I continue in an unhappy marriage just to keep him and his family happy (although I think he is kind of enjoying single life and peace and quiet...lol...half his luck!)?The kids are fine with it and the baby knows no different. They still see him regularly and we are hopeing to start 50/50 shared care soon if he is allowed with his new place of residence (he signed lease as just him and kids only every 2nd weekend)I honestly see what he did as worse than if he had had a one night stand with a stranger! I even lost my sister over this :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): I would say leave him, or give him the option of going for counseling, if he doesn’t want to just leave him then he’s not worth your time, I cant imagine how hard it will be for a woman with 5 kids to survive in this hard cruel world, but you are right you don’t need a man, if he cannot appreciate you for who and what you are if he cant see the effort you are putting into this relationship then he is not worth it, and as you said you have a teenage daughter and you don’t want to do that to her do you? You sound like a strong woman, and you don’t have to stay unhappy to make other people happy, you deserve better
A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (22 December 2008):
 This is an incident that happened 6 years ago, right? You found out 2 years ago that it had happened 4 years prior. That is 6 years! You have had a lot of life go on between then and now. How has that life been? Is this the only real problem you have had or is it just one of many? If this is the only real issue between the 2 of you I think you need to get over it. It was a looooong time ago and he was a good husband between then and now and you are blowing it waaaay out of proportion. A peep is not even close to being compared to a one night stand with a stranger!! Put a lock on the bathroom door if you are concerned. If, however, he has not been a good husband (other than this) perhaps you have a point.
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