A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Recently iv'e been getting closer to this guy. We're always flirting and laughing and his friends keep telling me that he likes me. I like him too and really want our friendship to develop, but he had this thing going on with my best friend about a year ago. They really liked each other but he basically messed her around. She's still angry with him and I don't want to upset her by being with him. I cant ask her about it because its a delicate subject and she gets really embarrassed. Also I don't want him to treat me the same way he treated her. Should I just stay friends with him?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 I don't think it's a good idea to date an ex of a friend without clearing it with the friend first. And it could cause problems.
he's got a history of messing up girls (your friend) are you sure you want to mess with that and take the risk he will do the same to you?
Boyfriends will come and go dear we joke that the only reason men have names is so we can tell them apart... but the truth is good FRIENDS are harder to find that boyfriends...
While you will do what you want, if you want to date him, clear it with her first, and tread lightly.
personally my vote is that you just remain friends with him.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (1 July 2012):
 You want your "friendship" to develop or you want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with him? I don't see any problem having a friendship with him, but you talk like you want something more. My question is...why? You just said he cheated on your friend. You want to hang out with someone who cheated on your friend? Why would you think he would treat you any differently? Usually, a person doesn't change his colors from dating one person to the next. I would be very careful in developing a relationship with him because he sounds shady. You would not want to lose a close friend over a shady guy.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 July 2012):
 I can understand that it is a delicate subject for her but you need to be honest with her. Yes it takes some courage but she is your best friend and she deserves the truth so you need to be honest with her and tell her that you like him and ask her how she feels about it. Tell her you will not act on your feelings if she has a problem with it and see what she has to say.
As for you and him, well I never think it is a good idea to go after a friends ex so I think it would be best to remain as friends, especially if he hurt her in the past.
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A
male
reader, Nehemie Mb  +, writes (1 July 2012):
Yes, exactly. It always amazes me how people can so clearly enumerate the reasons why they should do or not do something, but still fail to see the right road to take. This was just a side comment that will serve to introduce my answer. Even though the answer really lies in the details provided in your question, what does your gut tell you? I don't mean that weird feeling like your heart is on a swing that you have in your chest, but the gut that's upstairs (head), what does it tell you? If you're having an eerie feeling about this then it's probably not a good idea to get involved with that guy.Now, to tell you what I think: this is the perfect mix that messes up friendships for GOOD. Top reasons you should not even stay friends, stay more like acquaintances, very remote acquaintances:1. He went out with your best friend and messed her around. You shouldn't even be fantasizing about him, (girl code eh?)2. Your best friend liked him at some point. Even if she were okay with you going out with him, the you being in contact with him more will cause her too to be in contact with him more since she is your bestie, which can cause a domino effect with these two outcomes:-Either her becoming weird towards you.-Or some of her unresolved feelings getting set alight again3. If he didn't treat her right, what makes you think he will do any different with you? I know, people change right? But with everything that's at stake here, would you really take that chance? Is he REALLY that worth it?It might be hard to look the truth in the face, but those are the hard cold facts here! So, about that swinging feeling you feel in your chest (lol), it goes away, it eventually does. Not to be cynical or anything, but give any feeling long enough and it will decline. Hope you're strong enough to let go. Sorry if I was a bit harsh, sometimes it's the only way to make someone "snap out of it". Take care. Cheers.
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