A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need to visit my boyfriend - I havent' seen him for months and love and miss him so much - but he lives in another country. I have hidden my relationship from other people because of our cultural differences and I am about to lie to my family about where I am flying to - they think it is a holiday in a completely different country. I have tried to work out whether I can do this (time differences, hours in the plane etc). I am so torn. I hate telling lies but I am unable to do anything else. I am old enough to do what I like in principle I know but this is so complicated. Telling such a big lie is making me feel so terrible, nervous etc. I am frozen not buying my flight worrying about it. If I don't go I think I will never see him again as the distance is too much and he cannot afford to visit me. What should I do? If people find out I am in trouble but without going I will never know if we can make it work. Please help. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): why not go "on holidays" to where you actually need to go?? all you'd have to lie about is what the purpose of the visit is :)
on a serious note though... you are well old enough to do whatever you think you should and if you think this guy is worth it, just screw the world!!!
but would telling your family be way out of line?
there are a million and one things that can happen on your trip and lying about it may put you in jeopardy.
consider all possibilities and you'll be able to make a wiser decision.
much lucK!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): My mom just lied to me about the same thing. She said she was going to washington but she really went to switzerland. She hardly ever calls. I hate her now and im never talking to her again. Shes a liar. Dont make the same mistake my m0m did.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (8 April 2008):
 Hi,
I think you may be the girl that wrote in a while back, asking what you should do about visiting your boyfriend abroad, and that your parents wouldnt aprove.
I advised you that you were old enough to do as you wish, and that if you didnt go you may regret it. I still stand by this advice, but you should not lie to your parents. For one thing it's wrong and another thing! they should be aware of you going and where you would be staying. I am 48 years old and would always tell my parents or family where I am going and staying. Its a very dangerous world out there, and you should always let someone know that you are safe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): You are old enough to go anywhere you want but what is the fun there if you cannot tell your family. You need to tell someone where you go incase anything happens to you when you are abroad, so be doubly careful here. Why cannot you tell them. The culture, colour etc? If you cannot tell then you must be ashamed of something. We all fall in love, and often with the wrong person, but we should never feel that we cannot tell our folks about them. I think you should tell even though you are over 21. Do you want to go through life known as a liar.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 April 2008):
Ok,
First, you are in your late 20s. You can go where ever you want and see whoever you like.
However, sometimes it is easier to tell a white lie if it will stop the hassle. Don't worry too much about the details, how much detail about flight time would they need? All they need to know is that you are going for a week and you are waving goodbye from a taxi to the airport.
BUT. What I would say is that you also need to make some decisions about your relationship. It surely can't survive if you only see each other for one week a year?
Why can't you get a job in his country? Or he get a job in yours?
If you can't be together in the long term then perhaps you should start thinking about seeing other people.
Talk to him about it when you see him.
Good Luck!! xx
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