A
female
age
36-40,
*my123
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, 3 of those years were at university where we lived in the same house for 2 years. This last year we have had a long distance relationship as I returned to London whilst he was still studying a law conversion course in Nottingham. The relationship has stayed strong and this summer holiday we have had lots of fun together.He's just been offered a solicitor's training contract which means his final year's study would be paid for and also gets £7,000 maintenance. This gives him more of an opportunity to study in London. However it would still be tough to rent and live in london with 7,000, however he can borrow from his parents, who were willing to lend him the 12,000 needed to pay for the final year's study (now being paid for by the hiring firm). Therefore he wants to stay in nottingham as the rent is cheaper, as well stay with his uni friends and keep his casual job. I totally understand that everything would be so much easier for him to stay in nottingham. However, I really doubt our relationship could survive another long distance year. I believe the reason why our long distance relationship worked so well last year was because I was working only part time and was pretty much like a student with lots of time on my hands to call often and travel up to nottingham to see him.This year I will be working a full time job with intensive training and will probably go up to visit him less often, there will be less phonecalls and I will be more stressed with my career. I will also be meeting a lot of new people who I will see everyday and have fun with, it could be possible i find someone else as we grow further apart.Should my boyfriend move to london to keep our relationship strong or stay in nottingham and risk it.If he stays in nottingham does it mean i am not important enough to him, since he kind of has a choice. Is it a tell-tale sign that I am not the one he wants to be with forever even if he doesnt know it himself?! It is confusing as I know he really loves me and we often joke that we'll be togeva foreva!After his final year's study he has to wait one final year before he can start his job in london. He will probably want to travel the world. The future with him is just so uncertain. All in all I would have to wait 2 years before we could be together in london properly.Should i let the relationship fizzle out? or battle it out, visit him often. or realise it just isnt meant to be.I have discussed this with him, but believe he will choose to live in nottingham. His parents have also said he should live in nottingham as it is a cheaper option. (His parents live in Bath)Am I the only one to think that if you just left life to run its course it sometimes doesnt give you what you want and that you have to make things happen?
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female
reader, jmy123 +, writes (20 August 2010):
jmy123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice, that was very reassuring :) I understand now that I should just go with the flow!
A
female
reader, jmy123 +, writes (20 August 2010):
jmy123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice Cerberus/Raphael. That was really reassuring. I suppose all I can do is go with the flow (in the river of life!) and hope for the best! Thank you so much :)
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Life will often go in the complete opposite direction of what you want and it'll leave you watching as your desire passes by. But it's not like there's no hope at all. You said you've discussed this with him but he hasn't answered yet? That's a good sign because he isn't sure, he probably wants to stay with you but he can't because of finance and he knows there will be trouble on the horizon if he does. He has a steady plan of what he's going to do right? If so, he is right to stick to it because if anything goes wrong, your relationship will suffer because of finance anyway. Hitting this sort of problem doesn't mean that it isn't 'meant to be', it just means that it 'might have been meant to be' just, not now.
If he chooses to stay in Nottingham, just try and maintain as much contact with him as you can without stressing yourself out. If he's a good guy, he'll understand why there's so little contact. Two years isn't nearly as long as you believe it is. If both of you are busy and working hard, it'll fly by faster than the wind itself.
Your relationship with him right now is like the edge of a rushing river. The river is life, it will rush along as it pleases and you are forced to cling to the edge. Just follow the coarse of it, don't fight with it but make sure you aren't being sped along with it by holding on to that edge sometimes. Don't give up on it just yet.
I hope that helps.
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