A
male
age
36-40,
*nterscope
writes:I have been in with my girlfriend for about 4 months and she has a 2 year old child. She takes the child to see his dad a few times a week and I am fine with that, it's just that my girlfriend is very close to her x because they went out for almost 10 years and sometimes when she is on the phone to him before they hang up she says to him I love you. She says to me its just a habit and he will always means something to her which I can understand and even though they have not been together for almost 2 years and haven't done anything physical for longer (apart from kiss) I still find it very difficult to put up with sometimes. Some weeks her x sees more of her than I do and that bothers me. My feelings for her are becoming very strong and she also has feelings for me. I also get along very well with her child and I also care for him. Should I just end it now to stop further pain and before we get more close or should I stay with her because I do think she is worth it? Is a relationship worth this stress?
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (3 August 2007):
 Stay with her. Work it out. Tell her how you feel. Habits can be broken so she can start with telling her 'ex' "I love you" at the end of their conversations. Maybe she should work out a more stable schedule for her ex to spend time with the child. Like one whole week or week-end, so she won't have to be running over there three times a week. But seriously, I suspect she's not over her ex and this is why she's behaving this way.
A
male
reader, Interscope +, writes (3 August 2007):
Interscope is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone who has answered. Some very helpful comments that i have taken on board. Ill let you know how it goes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007): This is hard for both of you and you have some great comments here - however what is important is that you focus on what feels right for YOU and whatever needs your girlfriend has if she cannot see that it is hurting you and stops, then you need to move on because this situation will never make you fully happy and that is not something to live with. Tell her very bluntly how you feel. See what happens. Set a time limit (not too long) and then decide once and for all. You are young and don't need to live with this shackle. Just out of interest.... does her ex have a new girlfriend? I wonder how she feels / would feel also if she knew your girlfriend was saying I love you. Good luck - but don't let it drag on as this isn't your problem really.
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A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (3 August 2007):
Hi!, You are caught up in a Social-Disease called Relationalship-Addiction that knows no gender boundaries. The on-set of this disease has it's beginning in our mental and emotional attachtment, or bonding with others. However there is quite a difference between male/female Relationalship-Bonding.The male in most cases bonds with his genitals whereas the female bonds with her heart and her mind. It is much harder for her to accept a failed relationship, especially if there are children involved in that prior relationship. I am sure that you remember your first love and how deep it is etched in your heart and mind, Well, So are a woman's relationships etched in their hearts and minds, more so than any man's first love ever will be. A man can walk out of a woman's life and never look back, she cannot do that. She can love you and also love him at the sametime, but it doesn't have to be in a sexual way. Do hope that this will help you to understand her,and yourself better.
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A
female
reader, edsbabygirl  +, writes (3 August 2007):
 You should tell her to cut out the I love you's. She also shouldn't more of him than you physically or not. Your not there, how do you know old feelings don't conquer all. That is just what I think. Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, loverman86 +, writes (3 August 2007):
 u have 2 discuss ur feelings with her. u have to say to her that u are not very comfortable with wot is going on between her and her x u have to say that ur ok with them still being friendsecause they had such a long relationship but she needs to move on. although she may still be emotionally attatched so keep ur eyes open for anythin suspicious dont look suspicious urself but be alert in case she cheats on u.
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