A
female
age
36-40,
*anillafrost
writes:I am 26 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now. We are colleagues and we see each other almost 24/7. I think this is why we argue so much about little things. We constantly stay at home because we are so tired from work but still have fun at home watching movie and he would give me massages, hugs and cuddle me a lot. He can be so sweet to me, always has time to see me, he stores his fridge with food I like, thinks about a future and I think we do have a great connection and have a lot in common. But sometimes when we fight it gets out of hand he would say a lot of things to hurt me and I do to. The things we would say to each other is hurtful beyond believe! I feel like I can't trust him because of that. This occurs more frequently lately.I admit I'm not the easiest type of girl. I am spoiled and can be subconsciously kind of arrogant sometimes. I say hurtful things. He would freak out and yell at me and say hurtful things back when I'm acting indifferently and arrogant. Yesterday, it was my father's birthday who died a few months ago. I was very unhappy and released my frustration on him. He didn't know it was my fathers birthday and why I was like this. I blamed him for not being there for me and not being nice to me while he didn't know! I know it was wrong.. I was just unhappy and didn't know what I was doing.. He took the blame very hard and said many things to hurt me until I burst out crying! The conversation took place when he drove to my house after work. So he told me we are better off just friends, as much as he cares about me.. He doesn't want to hurt me and doesn't want to get hurt anymore either and we deserve better than that. He was sorry for saying all those bad things to me and for making me cry. But he feels like I treated him like a dog but he loves me dearly because I can be so sweet sometimes and that I'm the sweetest girl he every had. He really wanted it to work but it didn't and shit happens and it's not the end of the world and he thinks he loves me as a friend? He seem to take it very lightly to me.I swallowed my pride and I told him I don't wanna lose him. He asked me to please change and be nice because he can't take it anymore.I woke up with a bad feeling because I dreamed that he hit me in the face while he was hugging me awake. I heard his heart was racing and was breathing heavily as if he just ran for miles! He told me it was because he had bad dreams but he doesn't remember what it was...He was quiet in the car, he didn't feel good and was unhappy. He wanted us to start dating again and take it slow, not seeing each other so often. When I left the car we said goodbye and told me that he loves me and he will miss me. What should I do? I really like this guy because he has done a lot of sweet things and does make an effort to show me love and I never had a better connection with anyone like this before. I am constantly afraid he would cheat on me because I'm so crazy about him! I don't know if he still likes me enough to continue this relationship. Should I just end and let him go while it's not too late. Or give it a shot while doubting him.I can't see it clearly? I need some good advice. Thank you so much for reading this and for your help.Love,
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 Why not just relax and take it nice and slowly. Maybe not seeing each other 24/7 but more like a few times a week. In other words just let each other have some space and see where things go.
A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (25 January 2011):
 I think it can never be your fault that he says things that hurt you, but it can also be the truth and the truth hurts. I also feel you have a lot of unresolved issues surrounding your dad's death and that can bring about abandonment issues so I would suggest you work on you now, and not so much of a relationship, until you get you together it will always be issues like the ones you mentioned. Anytime we as women start think we're at fault when we're abused in any matter in your case it's verbally, that’s a problem. Never accept that. And you also watch what you say out of your mouth as well, because men tend to want to hurt us as we have hurt them. That's still no excuse! He should walk away when you become arrogant and unbearable. It’s OK to be spoiled but, what does spoiled has to do with this? ijs! Spoiled is a matter of opinion and it means you need to grow up! Spoiled by whom? Surely not him! Because he's not having it! So, I say GROW-UP before you invite another person in your life. It then becomes a US situation and not all about you! Should you go after him before it’s too late, is your question. I say again if you’re ready to accept that he has opinions and feelings and you’re ready to deal with a real man, and GROW-UP, then by all means go to him and say “I’m sorry I have been a bit unbearable, but from now on I’m willing to talk to you when I’m missing my Dad and I’m willing to work this out” If he’s has a heart he will accept your apology. Also let him know NO MORE VERBAL ABUSE! I wish you well, I truly do! *Dreams have their special meanings in our lives, if you think his verbal abuse can turn physical,then we tend to dream that. Your thoughts control your dreams,if this is the case stay away from him.
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