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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi.I've liked someone for a while,and he has said he likes me,but wants me to give him time before he would have a relationship with me.He has photos of his ex on his page.He knows it bothers me,and yet he still continues to post them,and leaves comments under them,saying what a good time he had then.I'm confused as to why he added me on there if he's just going to keep using emotional blackmail,which i think is what he is doing.For the last few days,he hasnt been talking to me on msn either,abd hasnt met up with me for ages.I'm at the end of my tether.I feel like just blocking and deleting him without warning.I bet he wouldnt even be bothered anyway.He was in a long term relationship,and they have been broken up about a year,and i know that would be hard to get over,but i shouldnt have to feel this way.He made me feel really special on my birthday this year,as he came out with me and a group of people.But since then,i've felt like crap,excuse the language.We met up sometimes before then but since then,he's only seen me a couple of times.I wonder whether it is worth it anymore....
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emotional blackmail, his ex, msn Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): Another update,he said he was sorry he hadnt been talking to me but he has been having problems with himself and doesnt want to upset me anymore than he has already.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): He said " sorry,that's all x " as an offline message on msn.I wasnt online at the time he sent it.Not sure why he said that as i havent replied.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): Another thing is,he knows where i live.If i block or delete him,i hope he wouldnt get angry.Then again,i dont think he is bothered about me enough to feel angry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): You're right.He has taken that photo album off there since,by the way.Well,it's either been taken off,or it's hidden so only he can see it,which is abit strange.
He didnt talk to me on msn yesterday either.I logged off,and noticed he logged off soon after i did,which i thought was either a funny coincidence,or it was coz i hadnt spoken to him.
I'm sick of him treating me this way.so i'm not going to speak to him anymore.It's stupid how he only spoke to me online anyway recently,and didnt meet in person.
I'm still considering whether to block and delete him though.Although,it's hardly worth having someone on a " friend " list,if they arent really a friend.I consider a friend to be someone who likes you,and who makes time to meet you.He falls into neither catagory.
I would delete my facebook account altogether,as he isnt the only " fried " who has seemed false.But,it can be good for finding out about events that are taking place,and there are some people on there who i only keep intouch with on there,or mainly keep intouch with on there,as they live quite far away,so would need it to speak to them.
I know he isnt my boyfriend,but i'm still annoyed that he ever mentioned that he liked me in the first place,which i dont think is true anyway.I bet he just used me as someone to help him try and forget his ex.You're right,i do deserve better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): Stop trying to analyze what he is doing on facebook or myspace or whatever....you are not in a relationship with this guy or you wouldn't have to communicate in such pathetic measures as the internet you would be having face to face communications and face to face lip locks.
Reread my original answer to your post....let it go, he isn't worth it.
You are trying to put a logical reason behind an emotional response and there is no way that will work. It is a total waste of your time and energy to second guess this guy. You have a greater chance of winning the lottery than getting a true handle on his every move. Guys aren't that complicated....he really is not interested in you. That could be because he thinks he is not ready for anyone, including you. Move on you are wasting your time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): Stop trying to analyze what he is doing on facebook or myspace or whatever....you are not in a relationship with this guy or you wouldn't have to communicate in such pathetic measures as the internet you would be having face to face communications and face to face lip locks.
Reread my original answer to your post....let it go, he isn't worth it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): Stop trying to analyze what he is doing on facebook or myspace or whatever....you are not in a relationship with this guy or you wouldn't have to communicate in such pathetic measures as the internet you would be having face to face communications and face to face lip locks.
Reread my original answer to your post....let it go, he isn't worth it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): Just want to add aswell,once i told him something he'd said about his ex on there upset me,and he changed it,so it's obvious he only changed it to suit me,but why would he do that ?
I told him i didnt want him to change it just to suit me,i was just telling him i didnt like it,but he changed it anway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): Thanks for your replies.I just dont like feeling second best to his ex,you know ?
You see,if i feel like someone is treating me badly,i want to get rid of them quickly ,before they start making me feel any worse.I think him treating me this way is starting to put me off him anyway.I dont even mind if he doesnt say anything to me.If he ever does ask why i blocked and deleted him though,I'll tell him,and i'll say i'm not even interested in being friends.I worry he might get angry,but i dont think he is bothered about me enough to get angry.
He has got abit annoyed sometimes before if i havent spoken to him on msn,but i wonder if he just uses me as someone to talk to to try and get over his ex,not because he actually likes me ?
He might not even notice i've blocked him on msn,if he doesnt try to talk to me on it,but he will see i'm not on his facebook page,as i will have disappeared from his friend list.He has my mobile number too though,so he could still text.
I find myself hating his ex,and i dont even know her.I'm not interested in even being friends with him,as i dont think he should ever have said he liked me in the first place,and i dont think he should have come out for my birthday.That's just my opinion anyway.
I dont know if this is a coincidence or not,but i'd written on msn that i was going out,i wrote it in the " write a personal message " box,and the message appears next to your name.And soon after that,he posted the photos.
When he first saw my page,he said i had nice photos on it.That doesnt really make me feel any better,and i wonder if he was just saying it to be polite anyway.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): Have you ever heard the expression 'he's just not that into you.'? It sounds harsh but it sounds applicable to your situation. It seems hes still hung up on the ex-gf and your a 'sometime' girl that he's not really serious about. You are investing too much of yourself in this and getting nothing in return. Guys like the chase and it sounds like your the one doing the chasing. Either way, you deserve alot better. Blocking him without a reason could actually peak his interest, you never know. Guys don't like it when a girl who seems to be interested in them stops fueling their ego. Block him and see what happens. If he doesn't care, than let it go. Lads are like buses, there's always another coming along in the next 5 minutes.
You owe to yourself to find someone who genuinely likes you and is keen to be with you.
Good Luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): What the real problem here is that you are waiting around for this guy. He has told you he does not want a relationship, telling you to give him time is just a way to keep his options open and keep you on the string.
He hasn't called or written you, it sounds to me that he has lost some momentum or interest in you....and that is not your fault. He has his reasons none of which have anything to do with how great or lovable you are. I know you like him and are disappointed, but you would feel better and less pressured about this one guy if you too leave your options open to date other men. I don't mean that you make him jealous on purpose, but if someone is of interest to you and you want to have fun then go out. Also, keep busy with activities and interests that make you happy, no one wants to feel like the other person is only interested in them.
He made you feel special on your birthday, he obviously likes you a lot but is not ready for anything more and may not be ever....it is not his fault that you are feeling like crap and to block him and drop him without warning is getting mad at him for being honest with you and telling you he doesn't want to be in a relationship. If you want to be his friend, then do so, but he isn't your boyfriend and you have no right to get angry with him for posting pictures of whom ever on his page. I don't do myspace, but the whole thing seems dumb to me, it is used more to hurt people and reject them, instead of include them it seems to me...and that is just mean.
Take care of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): Hi,I'm sorry to tell you this but it sounds like you've got a one-sided crush on this guy. If he has told you explicitly that he's not at a point yet where he'd like to be in a relationship with you, you've got to take him at his word. It sounds like he likes you well enough but isn't doing anything that suggests that he's trying to pursue you. You're reading intent regarding you in his actions, when in fact it probably hasn't even occurred to him that you care about his ex's pictures, etc. You're not on his radar. He likes you well enough to consider you a friend, and he might be flattered by your interest in him. He might think you're a nice person. But he's not trying to impress you. He's not thinking about you much at all. I know that hurts, but based on what you've said I think it's the most likely scenario.You could delete him from your friends list, and you should if it hurts you too much to see his updated photos and comments every time you log into the site. But don't do it expecting to have an effect on him. And if you can bear to keep him on your list, I advise doing so. If you can cultivate some calm and become less intensely attached to the idea of being with him, you'll be able to handle being on the periphery of his life as the casual friend he clearly sees you as -- for now! Move on, focus on other things, date other guys. Eventually things might change with him. But they won't as long as you remain desperate to connect with him, and hostile about the fact that, right now at least, he doesn't appear to return your regard.I know it sucks. I'm sorry, and I hope you can get past this soon!
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