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female
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*ulesy
writes: Hallo ..i have been dating a younger man (29, pisces) for the past 1,5 years. It has been on and off because he has said there is no future between us and that we are not the same "class". Most people would be very upset with such comments but it gave me "fuel" to want to be more. Which means to me that i have „consciouly/subconsciously „looked for this kind of „trigger“ to motivate me.After i leave him he chases me again and the whole thing starts all over. He always comes back.It‘s a game we play. Either he does‘nt quite know what is going on inside his head...(lust or love?) or he just wants to“use“ me. Maybe it is both! However I adore this boy because he has made me take a look at myself and where i am going. I have found the courage to go back to my original desire which is to be a painter. This, i believe is my true calling...that‘s what i do best!You might say he is a kind of „muse“ for me.Recently, however, he has been offered a job in london and after much thinking he is going to do it.I feel jealous of him, but also hurt. He says our relationship will continue as was except we won‘t see each other as often! He will pay for me to visit him in london.This jealousy (because i also want to have a bright new future) has motivated me in turn to visit london (i know London as i did a BA at one of the finest design colleges in the world there about 5 years ago). Now i‘m planning to go back after i have painted 10 large canvases by this time next year and apply to do an MA at another one of the very finest art colleges in the world in London. In my head i guess that i hope to impress him...at the same time i know i am doing it for me and i do love london and have some wonderful,exciting,courageous freinds there. Whatever the reasons for going to London i feel I have found my slumbering „passion“ again...and that makes me happy.I am back to the „me“ i know myself to be. The „me“ i want to be with him or anyone else...that is a confident me! Now, afterall that Elsa...I feel i can be everything to him except 10 years younger. ( i.e gorgeous,natural and talented ). But should i quit seeing him untill he goes to london (end of April)? Or see him and not get intimate (which is what i have been doing ). Or should i just be happy that i finally know where i am going in my life and accept that it is over? Should i go with my dream of him and being at the college?I would love to know what your intuition says!?ThankyouJules
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female
reader, julesy +, writes (12 March 2008):
julesy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello to all my very encouraging readers
Here's an update...and a question!
7 months ago I moved to london like I said I would and have been lucky enough to find enough work.I have been applying for MA's in painting.I got an interview at a very posh college...they said they liked my work but have turned me down.No worries...I will try other courses!!
The boy who got me here (the 10 year younger guy) ended up going back to Germany.I stayed on since it was clear he wanted to find someone younger. We have had contact per email and he has said that he has met someone new but wants to stay my freind as he thinks 'I'm a bit crazy but very honourable!'
In the meantime i have been dating a chap who is 38.I recognise that he (like me) is trying to find some direction in his life.I sense he is ready to have a serious relationship. The big thing is that I'm still a bit stuck on my EX! The reason being that this new guy is;
1.not as beautiful (although he is growing on me)
2.Does no sport (I am very sporty)
3.Just seems lazy (dirty flat although a nice one)
Although I can have some nice chats with him I am a bit afraid I am getting into something which does'nt really thrill me!!I know I am a softie and I have been down this road before where i start getting too attached to someone who does'nt really 'fit the bill'
Am I to be sensible and make this work? I have called it off twice already because i am so uncertain.I'm afraid i will hurt him and myself.I can't tell if it's just a 'right for now guy' or the real thing.
I live in a house with very young people and i see how easily they have coupled themselves off.It makes me long for a relationship. It can be awfully quiet at night time here in LOndon and i do enjoy having the company of that man but I'm just so unsure...
I have called it off but i can sense he is trying to find me again....I get lonely and confused and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life at 40,no kids,home,pension...only me myself and I!?
I look at people around me and only understand now,for the first time, what they are all on about (marriage,kids,stabilty) I feel i have spent my life avoiding this.My relationships have never been longer that 1.5 years and either with men who smother me or men who hurt me badly...does it mean i have done everything wrong?
Should i be giving this guy a chance or just hang in there for a while?
Advice would be very appreciated...I'm feeling confused
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (21 March 2007):
 I would just go with the flow Jules, like you said he'll be leaving soon so it might be nice to give him something to remember you by. Have a great time whatever you decide.
Eve
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A
female
reader, julesy +, writes (20 March 2007):
julesy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEve..in case you are wondering about me...i am a late developer when it comes to relationships. I also never had a mum (died when i was 11). In many ways i am glad about that because i have had to find out most things for myself.i am also free to follow my creative spirit.
I want to thankyou for your advice
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A
female
reader, julesy +, writes (20 March 2007):
julesy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHallo Eve...i am anxious about us getting intimate,tonight!Mostly because i would love too and my feelings say he really wants me...but...i sound like a kid...but do you think i should avoid anything too close?
I have not been able to look at the movie.I will try this afternoon. The main problem being that i need to pay by credit card and i do not have one.I
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (20 March 2007):
Well you are certainly thinking more positive Jules so that's great! And yes, if you don't run after him and he's interested then he WILL make contact. Did you manage to have a look at that movie I recommended?
Eve
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A
female
reader, julesy +, writes (19 March 2007):
julesy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Eve..i wanted to tell you that my painting is going to plan.It really is unbelievable what magic things happen once you know where you are going.
The other wonderful thing is that "my boy" has been trying to get hold of me.
I have'nt been available. I have been feeling really sad! but in the time we have not been seeing each other my intuition has been telling me that he is starting to miss me.i have not contacted him at all (now 3 weeks).
he has just phoned me up to ask if i will have dinner with him tomorro night (his 29th birthday). And you know what I'm realising, Eve.....?
I will get what i want!I will go to london (for me.for my art) and i will get him...because i adore him.He's quality.But i now know you have to be happy with yourself.with what you do,look like etc...
But i have to stop whinning and trust things will come!
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (11 March 2007):
Hi Jules,
He will pay for you to go over as long as you have sex with him! Hmmmm this puts a whole different light on things. I would still go over but go over with your own money and still go for your dream! The Secret is about the Law of Attraction! Our body's are made up of millions of molecules as is the Universe. When we think negative thoughts, negative molecules start to grow and expand in our bodies, the more negative we think, the more the molecules grow. Have you ever awakened one morning and stubbed your toe on the bed? Instant negativity builds up, you make some coffee and spill it on your blouse, more negativity. You drive to work and all the traffic lights are at red. Your body is emitting negative energy and attracts the negative molecules from the Universe like a magnet resulting in MORE negativity! You need to turn this around and start thinking POSITIVE! And that's what the Secret is all about. It explains it in simple language that is so easy to understand. We can do whatever we desire and nothing is within our grasp! This movie will build you up 100 per cent and help you to see that your dreams CAN be reality! The Secret reveals how to apply this powerful knowledge to your life in every area from health to wealth, to success and relationships.
Here is another link to the Synopsis of it which tells you a bit more about it, hopefully you can get that.
http://thesecret.tv/home-synopsis.html
Incidentally, it does say that an Apple Mac is the only PC that for some reason can't get the movie. Go to an internet cafe and view it there! It really IS worth viewing and I can't praise it enough, it's helped thousands of people change their life.
Even without this guy in your life, I would STILL go for your dreams and get that MA. You have it in you and we all feel apprehensive sometimes. You KNOW you can do it, you just have to remain positive! The rest (relationships) will follow...
Eve
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A
female
reader, julesy +, writes (11 March 2007):
julesy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHallo Eve...unfortunately i cannot download the link you sent me because i have a Mac and for some reason it does not function. Would you care to tell me basically what the site is about? What is the basic message... ?I love things like that too...
So far all is going to plan. I am nearly finished with the first painting.i have moments of glory and moments of doubt. Normal, i guess!!!i will not show anyone the paintings untill i have about 3 done. I can get very easily discouraged.
As for the boy i have told you about we have not seen each other for about 10 days now. it is better so because it still takes so much out of me and i want to keep focused on doing this for myself. Sometimes I'm afraid that this dream of mine to go to london is just a kind of "escape" dream.That maybe I'm ment to stay here in Münich. I keep thinking and wondering what will happen if i don't finish in time etc...anxiety and self doubt i guess. I would love to find someone close who believes in me and supports me. But I don't have it so there's no point thinking about it. I do miss having people around me who are perhaps like minded. For the meantime i must try to be calm and see this through. Even though i experience moments of extreme isolation and sadness. I know i need to go out and meet people and flirt with new boys but right now it's kind of quiet. I know this will not last. i am just experiencing a kind of emptiness realising that it is reallyover with this boy. He said he would pay for me to come to london because he could have sex with me. I don't know why he does'nt find someone else to just have sex with? I have have asked him but he just grins.I have said that he hurts me...i guess i am to blame for not wanting to see the signs sooner. Looking back they were always there.Even though i made him wait for a long time before we got intimate.As soon as we were intimate i could feel him backing off. This whole affair has been a farce.i know i wanted to learn something out of it...and here is where i'm at....Perhaps through me he has gained more selfesteem and may start to see there are other women who find him good looking. It makes me sad to think that that was probably my function for him! I hope I'm not moaning too much. I know greater things are coming. I just hope my dream of london keeps me going, going, going. Itend to stand in my own shadow A LOT...I would love to hear from you..Jules
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (3 March 2007):
Watch this movie! It's called "The Secret" It is $4.95 (3.75 euros) to watch immediately from your PC.
http://thesecret.tv/home.html
Trust me here and watch it, then come back to me and tell me if you still feel the same way!
Eve
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (3 March 2007):
I think this woman is WRONG! Very wrong! You sounded so full of enthusiasm when we last spoke, now you are thinking negatively because of the negative thoughts she's put into your head. You will be distracted because it takes so long to settle down???? Who says? Her??? You will be totally focussed on your work and will settle down with no problem! She says she doesn't think this guy wants a future with you???? Why??? He said you were not in the same class. What he was saying was to motivate you, to GO for your goals and what you love! He inspired you to go for your dreams! You have him to thank for that! Another thing... if he doesn't like you then why on earth would he pay for you to come to London and visit him??? I can't see anywhere that this guy doesn't like you. He is career motivated and wants to make a name for himself and has pushed YOU to do the same! The time just isn't right for you both yet and he can see that, but he very much likes you and wants to keep in touch with you, so much so that he's willing to pay for you to come and see him!!!! Does that sound like someone who isn't interested???
You've been to London, you LOVED it there! You planned to paint 10 canvasses! Keep with your dreams, get your MA, fulfil your desire to be a wonderful, talented artist! BE MOTIVATED by the inspiring talent there! :o) There is nothing holding you from doing it except negativity... and a sad 56 year old woman who has a big chip on her shoulder with life!
Eve
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A
female
reader, julesy +, writes (2 March 2007):
julesy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Eve...last night i met a lady about 56 years old. She was similar to me in that she always had younger boyfreinds.She understood me i guess. Sometimes i feel like it's is stupid to carry on likeing younger men if my relationships often end the same way and never last longer than 1 and a half years. When i go into them i probably already know what the outcome will be but every one of these relationships has been a kind of "muse" for me and i feel as though i am "Growing"... and so i keep repeating the same pattern.Anyway this lady suggested i do not go to London because she thinks it would be very distracted from my goal of becoming a painter because it takes so long to settle down. Also, she seems to think that i should very quickly drop this guy before he goes because in her opinion it sounds like he really does not want a future with me.Unfortunately i think she is right. Now the sad thing is that i was so excited about this plan (with or without him) that for some awful reason i feel like the wind has been let out of the sail! Maybe it would be wiser to settle down and do my thing here?I am at a point in my life, Eve, where i guess i feel i need to get serious...i admit that this thought alone makes me really sad. Maybe it is to do with living in Germany or maybe it really is my common sense which is protecting me. Maybe all i have to do is send my portfolio to a college in london next year and leave it up to fate!? I'm worried,though, Eve! Sometimes i look around this town (Münich) and i think it's really very dull here...not at all like an exciting place like London with inspiring talented people around you.Then i think I'm just looking for reasons to get out of here because I'm not exactly unhappy here either. This whole affair with this gorgeous,open minded boy has made me want to Flee...get out, start again. Avoid getting older. perhaps! What do you think? Thankyou once again.J
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (28 February 2007):
I WOULD see him before he goes, there's nothing wrong with that, you are still good friends and you'll also be able to see by his body language how he feels about you. I do think you're right not to sleep with him. That will only cloud your thoughts and knock your emotions into overdrive (which is the last thing you need right now) and he'll respect you more for it. Let him know you still like him a lot and when you do go to London you'll look him up. He can keep in touch by email if he wants to. That way everything is friendly and above board with no pressure, promises and nothing too heavy.
Eve
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A
female
reader, julesy +, writes (28 February 2007):
julesy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there..thankyou both for your wonderful words of encouragment. I don't know if i mentioned that i am 39 years old.He is 29.The latest news is that we still see each other, maybe not so often but i am not sleeping with him. I have said quite clearly that i need to be focused on what i have planned and cannot afford to get upset with whether he wants me or not.I believe it is the best thng to do.He will be going to London at the end of april. I'm slightly afraid of wavering but i know i have to mean what i say.I just want to test how often he still wants to see me.It's called "tactics" i believe.
Should i rather not see him at all untill he had gone? I feel like a little girl asking you this...but thankyou..Jules
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A
female
reader, julesy +, writes (25 February 2007):
julesy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have chills running up and down my spine...Thank you for your positive and motivating responses. I will "go with it" and i will keep you informed!
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (25 February 2007):
You said your passion is painting so I would pick up where you left off there and concentrate on that first and foremost in order to get your MA.
He made you take a look at yourself once and put you on the right road, maybe him going to London is another step for you to follow. There is no reason why you still can't keep in touch with him and meet up with him once in a while when you are both there.
I have a good feeling about this relationship. The universe has a lovely way of deciding our fate for us. I say DO what you love most.... painting! Work hard and make a name for yourself, make him so proud of you but don't be jealous of him, he's only grabbing his career opportunities too.
Eve
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (25 February 2007):
 Ah babes life is hard we all meet people who we fall in love with and it never seems to go right, yes, you should be happy that you finally know where your going in lifes path paved for you and only you so grab it and go for it girl you only get one shot at it..Don't go to London just because of him do it for you, and as for your both from a different class hey, he fell for ya once and that should never matter...so if I were you follow your strong instinct grab all you can many people never find their path and settle for less at least you have that to hold onto, and who knows what else is parked on that path for you to discover....GOOD LUCK, GO FOR IT............If its meant to be it won't pass you by
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