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Should I just ask him where I stand?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 April 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 20 April 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Alright ive known my bestfriend for 5yrs. he joined the army last june and im really proud of him. we've always been straight forward and honest with each other. about two months before he told me he was going to join i had confessed to him that i was inlove with him a couple days later he told me that he had feeling for me too. But after he joined it was as if he hadnt said anything to me i really speak to him anymore if anything at all. When i txt him or send him a messege he never answers yet when he messeges me i always answer then i get mad at myself after answering after i told myself i wasnt going to. anyways i met this guy and he told me he wanted to take me out sometime and i told him i would let him know. (he's a marine by the way)What i want help with is that i dont know if to go out with this guy because i feel bad, for some reason i feel like i would be cheating on him. which is stupid i know. i got out of an abusive relationship about 5 yrs ago and have been afraid to start dating again i guess. So i dont know if to just come out and ask my best friend where we stand so i can make a choice. please help me! and no rude or negative comments please i can only take so much. So should i talk to him about it straight out?

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (20 April 2011):

dirtball agony auntIf he's cut communication, I'm not sure what reaching out will really do for you. Is he deployed, in basic?

Honestly, if someone has feelings for you, I would expect them to be more communicative, or at a minimum let you know why they aren't communicating often. It's not like you haven't given him the chance to make a move.

I don't see any harm in going out with someone else. It's not like the two of you are dating, you just confessed having feelings for each other. If he's practically ignoring you (without a good reason) it's a safe bet that his feelings aren't on the same level as yours.

I'm always for honest and open communication though, so if you're curious about where you stand, I think it's best to ask.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (20 April 2011):

aunt honesty agony auntHoney honestly if he is not bothering to keep in contact with you then he is not worth waiting for. I know it must be a hard choice for you to make but I think you should go out with this guy and see how it goes. Look at it this way it is only one date and there is no harm in that. See how it goes and just enjoy yourself, no pressure.

It must be hard for you losing your best friend even more because you were in love with him. But sweetie I dont think you should text and ask him where you stand because he barely replies at the moment anyway so that should show you something. Go out and enjoy yourself.

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