A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been "talking" to this person for approximately a year an a half but are and have always been in a grey area. As time progressed, things have gotten a lot better in that he is no longer afraid of people seeing us together or thinking that we have a relationship. Mind you we do together and being the "paranoid" person he is, he didn't want to cause me any problems, since I was part of the office's management. We now go out in groups with mutual friends (they were my friends first) without a problem. When out, he behaves as my boyfriend, taking care of me, drinking from my cup, paying for me ALWAYS... but we don't go out very often. We know of each other's Facebook page but have not added each other. Me because I don't want to put him in an awkward position, I mean maybe he doesn't want to add me or maybe he does and thinks I do not want to add him. We both walk on eggshells WAYYYY too much. I've come to develop feelings for him and I'm pretty sure he has too. After all, if that wasn't the case then why else would he bother staying around? He always calls me, takes my opinion of whatever he wants to do, is jealous around other men who approach me. He then immediately gets territorial. We have been physical but have not had sex even though it is obvious that we want to jump on each other!! I make more than he does and he constantly tells me how proud he is for me and happy that I am constantly growing professionally. However, I do feel one of the reasons why he does not label our relationship is the fact that he is still working on building his profession. I do not want to hurry into anything either but feel like we should at least label whatever it is we have. I know I can simply ask but I'm scared of getting hurt by his answer. His answer can go both ways but I automatically assume the worse.WHAT TO DO????? Should I just approach him and tell him I'm ready for more???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Thank you ladies for your great answers!! I have actually been showing him I care, a lot more than before, and like I said I know he knows how I feel. After all, it's not that hard to figure out but i have NOT told him though. What exactly do you mean by "pulling away"? Not answering his calls?
As for work, both him and I are leaving and that has not been an issue for a while.
I agree that I should let him tell me and talk to me about moving forward but wouldn't I also be giving him all the power? I just don't want to get hurt or be taken for a ride.
In the past 3 months he mentioned doing something to be "together". Once it was in one of my friend's apartment and the second time was a small getaway. However we both kind of let the plans die as webnever followed up on them. Yet another example of our "walking on eggshells".
Should I plan a get away forbarounf Christmas as my gift to him or would that be too easy and make it seem like I'm giving myself away.
I'm just tired of playing these silly games, it has been a while and we are sooooo comfortable around each other that it would be very sad to let this go. What to do???
A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (31 October 2010):
I think you should leave it to him to come to you for more because you do not want to be put in a situation where you give him all the power. All I can say is start acting like you are worthy of a real relationship, show him you care and that you are there for him etc. Tell him your proud of him, you like him, miss him etc. Not all the time but enough to show him how you feel instead of telling him. Then I say after a couple months of doing that then pull away, back off. When he asks you what the problem is let him know you felt you were getting to attached to him and its scary because you dont feel he wants to take the relationship to the next level and you did not want to get too attached without that security.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 He can cause problems acting territorial. He really has to restrain his aggressive, primal nature. Whether a label is given you should keep things seperate between work and love life. When people spread rumors then it would affect both of your professional image. Your boss would only interfere if you seem to be distracted because of him, spend more time with him than with your coworkers. Work place romance has its own unique challenges. You have to make sure you can both handle it should things go wrong. I would not recommend talking on Facebook. People are nosy and they like to gossip. Not every man minds a woman making more money. You maybe ready for more, but first you have to make sure a relationship with him is a good idea. While an underground relationship can be frustrating, a label would not make the awkwardness go away.
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