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female
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anonymous
writes:I know some men are not that romantic but I've known my boyfriend for a number of years, and was around him and his former girlfriend a few times in social settings and I know he was very romantic with her (nuzzling her in public, holding hands, kissing her, rubbing her neck or her back -- he just seemed like he couldn't keep his hands off her and was very much in love). They broke up 2 years before I started seeing him and I just assumed it was part of his nature, but we've been together for 3 years now and although he says he loves me, he just never does those things to me. He also never tells me I'm pretty, or that I look sexy. He hardly ever holds my hand or acts like we're a "couple" when we go out. We get along great, and I've told him how I feel but he just tells me I should be happy with what we have. Is there something missing here?.... Because I feel like there is. I just don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. Should I just accept that he will never be in love with me like that, or is this a sign that he's not really into me?....
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female
reader, red1982  +, writes (20 March 2008):
I think that it may be something that he will never do with you. Do you think that you can live with that? It must be awful to be with someone that you feel doesn't love you. Have you explained to him that you don't feel that he loves you? Do you think he would make more of an effort if he knew how bad it makes you feel inside - or would he just brush it off? Sometimes men don't take hints very well and you actually have to explain things letter by letter before they actually realise what you are trying to tell them. If he could only be affectionate inside the house and pay you nice compliments would help your relationship and your confidence in it, even if it's not a public display. It does seem very strange that he was this way with his ex but not with you. I dont' blame you at all for feeling rejected.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo red1982, no he's never really been touchy-feely with me. But I don't know why. He is capable of doing it, he was with his last girlfriend but I don't evoke those same feelings which bothers me because it makes me feel like he's just biding his time until someone else (i.e. better) comes along.
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female
reader, red1982 +, writes (17 March 2008):
It seems really strange that he would be with you just for the sake of it. I mean you've known him for yesrs and you've been a couple for 3 years. Has he never been romantic/touchy feely or has it worn off over time?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHis last girlfriend was a bit of a wild child. She was completely opposite of me, which is why I wonder if he's just not into me, but he likes having a warm body around. I never got the impression she made him do those things, they seemed to come from his heart. Which makes me all the more insecure. And the fact that she was 23 and I'm 38. I've done the same thing you are doing -- I try to show him romantic things hoping he will reciprocate but so far he really doesn't. If I mention that I wish he'd hold my hand more, and be affectionate like that, he'll do it for like one day. And then the next day, he goes back to being like he always is with me. I'm just wondering if I'm setting myself up for a big disappointment, getting too deeply in love with him, only to have him zoom off when another woman crosses his path that reminds him of his "ex". What do you think?...
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female
reader, red1982 +, writes (11 March 2008):
It's hard to tell from this whether there is something more to him suddenly not being very romantic, do you know why he and his ex broke up? Did she critisize him for being like it? Or maybe he was so like this with his ex because he never felt 'comfortable' with her and was made to feel that he always had to 'make an effort'
My husband is far from romantic, and I have stopped nagging at him for it, instead I have started doing things for him, cards, words, taking him out etc. I'm hoping that he will reciprocate but if he doesn't then I think I'll just have to live without romance!!
Sorry I haven't been much help.
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