A
female
age
51-59,
*obbit22
writes:Hi there is this woman at work who invent s things against me and what not. accused me of screwing her husband and always spreads bad rumors about me though everyone I talk to does not like her. I wondered if I should simply invite her out to see what her deal is to smooth things over? She is a joke to people at work but her venom is out of hand. I realize that I'm a confident strong self sufficient personality but for her to carry such a venomous burden everyday i arrive is out of hand. People have commented that when I walk into a room her demeanor changes...I dunno Should I ask her what her deal is and smooth things over for her...?? I dunno....it might make life at work easier for her.. I realize the maj. love a good drama but this is ridiculous???
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female
reader, pixiegirls +, writes (1 December 2010):
 There are some instances where it is better to go to your supervisor first about the rumors, if they have not already become aware. If she has a tendency for outbursts, I would not recommend taking her out to lunch to discuss it. What is her demeanor under ordinary circumstances when she is questioned about something she has done or said? Does she become extremely defensive and have histrionics? When irrational behavior would be expected, it is best to let your supervisors handle the situation. If she has done this to other coworkers in the past, her supervisors may be monitoring her interactions with other coworkers and documenting problems. People who seem to already be targeting you, can often create such a poor work environment, but may also be setting things up to make you look like the instigator. It doesn’t seem very logical that she is continuing to spread rumors and lies about you if there was one thing that is causing her to act this way, nor would I expect her to be upfront and tell you what her issue is about you. Smoothing things over is also not something she wants to do. There could be various other issues behind her behavior, and may have been going on for some time. If you do choose to still try discussing the problem over lunch, bring a supportive coworker who is aware of the situation with you. She does not necessarily have to be part of the discussion, but you might not know how the lunch would be reported to others once you got back to work. Good luck!
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 You should understand that this woman is a bully who is jealous of you. You have been the target of her nasty gossip because you are self confident and attractive. As you probably know, people who bully have terrible self confidence and a very poor sense of self. This is why they verbally abuse others - it makes themselves feel better. She makes up stories because her life is terribly dull and this is the only way that she feels she can get attention from others. In some ways, see her as someone with psychological difficulties in need of your sympathy. I don't think doing lunch will do much good. You may end up shoving those sandwiches down her throat. She may refuse to lunch with enemy number one! The only way to deal with workplace bullying is by involving your manager or personnel supervisor. Your organisation will have a procedure for dealing with victimisation and harassment at work. This woman should not be allowed to say unfounded things about you and get away with it. A quiet word from her manager maybe all it takes as her unprofessional conduct cannot be good for the business! If you try to take things in your own hands by having lunch with her then it could be twisted by her into you intimidating her. It is better to get things out in the open within the organisation, rather than take it outside the office.
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A
female
reader, Godchild +, writes (30 November 2010):
What's that saying "keep your friends close but your enemies closer. I think you should invite her to lunch come to a certain ground and find out what the hates about and why. It could just be rumurs or jealousy. But be a woman about it and get to the root of the problem.
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