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anonymous
writes: im 14 and there is a boy in my year who i really fancie. we have been flirting with each other and do simple things like walk round school holding hands. we are so close to people think we are going out. i knew i would like him when i first saw and talked 2 him. so i decided to ask him out but he said e didnt want to go out with anyone but he does like me, i was heart broken as i like him loads becouse i can tell him everything, i trust him and hes really hot!!! is there any thing i can do 2 get him 2 change his mind and go out with me? please help i just want 2 b able 2 walk round skool with him with people not thinking that im going out with him but knowing!!!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (25 January 2005):
 Hi there,No, you can't get him to change his mind. He's the only one who can do that. Try to force him to see things your way and you'll lose what you have.In fact, it sounds from your letter that you've got a great thing going, something that you should be really happy with. Pretend for a moment that I'm a close friend of yours who's telling you about a boy I care about: We flirt with each other, we hold hands, we walk around together, he's told me he likes me, I like him loads, I trust him and I tell him everything, and lastly, I think he's really hot. Would you tell me that this isn't enough? Would you tell me, "No, it doesn't count because you don't go out, outside of school"? Listening to me tell you how happy I am, would you counsel me to change this? Just to make a point to other kids at school? Sorry, hon, but that's a pretty lame reason to do anything, especially to risk changing something that's as good as this. Your lad has already told you that he's not interested in going out with anyone, but it's clear he'd rather spend his free time at school with you. In other words, he's been honest, he likes you and treats you with respect and now it's your turn to respect his feelings. He's not ready to go out yet.What's the difference between strangers thinking you're going out with him and actually going out with him, anyway? Not much, since strangers aren't going to be out with the two of you. You don't have to conform to someone else's opinion; just enjoy what you have. He sounds like a great guy in ways that matter.Maybe in months to come, your lad will decide that he's ready to go out with someone, and there you'll be. But don't focus too much on this issue or you risk driving him away by being too demanding. What the other people at school think you're doing (brace yourself; this could be a shock) really doesn't matter.
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