A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have known my fiance for 5 years now. We decided to get engaged in on our 5th year and plan to get married in the next. We don't live together. She lives with her parents while I have my own place. Now the feeling have changed. She is pushing me to break up because she feels that I am really hurting her with all my actions. I know that I lied to her about this and that but compared to how she treats me is much worse compared to the agony she is in.I agree that lying is a strong case to call for a break up. But if you get yelled with foul languages and being treated with harsh words from the person you hold dear for things that some people considered small how would you react.Do you tell things that are truly going to break your neck or try avoiding the thorns? Example, you don't text her for the day because you are busy with work and all you manage to do is a single text early morning do you get angry as if someone wreck your car on purpose?That is how I felt for leaving out small things that are considered very big to her. She compares me with her male friends that treats her like the way she wants to be treated. She tells her friends the things that she hates at my presence.I respect needing to know her friends but she always want to get away from knowing my friends.She also do mistakes but I am a forgiving person and would not care about her wrongs because I feel that every person are not perfect. She demands me to be perfect all the time, fulfilling her needs in every way that is impossible for me. She always demands me to do this and that and say that all of these are simple things that can be done by anyone. To be honest I may have lost my heart long time ago but in someway I still want to be with her. Should I carry on with her I still do not know.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): Thank you for your insight. What you mentioned is true. Both of us need to get down and talk everything out. I have followed your advice and we are now back again feeling happy like the first time we met. Fighting all this time and after talking for ourselves and understanding how we want to be treated to each other. Again thanks for your insight and I am now happy again and hope it stays that way.
A
female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (26 July 2009):
I think you have answered your own question, you have lost your heart for her a long time ago. She wants to break up too and it seems like you have a lot of resentment for the way she has treated you. You need to think about whether you are prepared to sort out all of the issues you have or whether you don't.If you do want to make it work you will need to admit to your part in it and not focus on what she has done to you. If you keep banging on about all of the things she has done wrong, you will never sort anything out. She needs to do the same for you and look at her part in it, this is the only way. I suggest you speak with her to determine if she wants to work on the problems you have. If she says no, then there's not much you can do about that. If she does, then you need to look at your part where you have not treated her well and stop doing the things that upset her, you must not lie otherwise she will never be able to rebuild trust with you. Good luck.
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