A
female
age
30-35,
*elples
writes:I recently had a problem with my boyfriend. i like talking about our problems to solve them. communication is the key, correct? there's another problem that arises in this, he at times takes forever to answer. i asked him about this as well, he says he takes long because he doesn't want to have this conversation. he said my words sting, they're very hurtful. i was only asking him questions. he said "you are only asking questions, but you're attacking me with these questions." i wasn't aware my words may hurt him, i don't want to hurt him even if i'm hurt. it wasn't my intention. i read someone's advice to someone else on this website and it said if you want your boyfriend to take you seriously, don't beat around the bush, ask in a serious tone and if he answers the question with a question to ask again. i was doing all this.. is there a way to ask questions more nicely? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (25 July 2009):
 It's hard to know what to tell you without knowing how exactly you are asking him.
Don't make accusations, bombard him with questions or yell them at him. Ask him calmly, and give him time to answer before you ask the next one.
If something is bothering you then you should get it out in the open, but does your boyfriend feel like too much is bothering you about him?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): Thank you rocknroll.. you know what for. ;)
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A
male
reader, rocknroll +, writes (24 July 2009):
This is an excellent question! As a starter, I would highly recommend reading "men are from Mars and women are from Venus". There is a difference. It is strange how both men and women react to certain words, and something I wish K-12 and colleges would tackle more, but I must admit with all my searching, the book above comes the closest to studying this phenomenon between the sexes. Solve this, and I think the divorce rate would plummet.Sad part is, I'm just as an amateur as the rest. Admitting it from both sides opens a playing field. It might sound strange, but if you really want to break through the sound barrier, record your personal conversations and then each of you take the recording and make notes as to how your inner feelings responded to words. Use this as a self-discovery, a game and also becoming aware how different you both are. With practice, I think you both would become a deadly "soul" partners.I would love if I could join in a panel as such, I’m sure I would learn I use words that just drive women batty, because I at least recognize their body language, and it isn’t giving off good cues.I think you already have a huge leap on most of us young lady, good for you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): Well.. prehaps i can help anyway.
When confronting a person about a bone you have to pick, remember that if you corner a dog, it's likely to bite. I would advise sitting with him, engaging in friendly, everyday conversation before you get to the punch. Before after the everyday conversation and before the punch, you should tell him something he's doing right; somethign you love/like about him.
EX: You know, I really love it when you kill bugs for me.. it's the sweetest thing in the world, but.. i have to say it bugs me when you don't clean them up afterward because then they attract other bugs that want to eat the dead one and then we're really in a buggy mess. So please, I think it would be better for the future of our home if you would clean the bug upon killing it. But you know I love you, and you know how sexy i think it is when you stomp on those cockroaches.
You see.. ? A compliment, an I statement, a good reason for why you're not happy, and a reasonable solution for the problem.
~Sy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): yes, please. Examples of questions and the way you went about asking them. Use honesty so that we can actually help you.
~Sy.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 July 2009):
 Why don't you post a couple of the questions you have for him, and how you've asked them and we'll see if we can't help you find a good way to phrase them.
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