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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I desperately want to tell him my feelings but I hold back out of fear of rejection. I am afraid that he doesn't feel as strongly about me as i do about him. We have never expressed our love but i feel his actions show otherwise.He is married but it is more like a living arrangement than a marriage. And he and I have a history but just recently became more than friends.Most recent scenario: we were in my car very close to his house and he said to me 'don't panic, wait here, i am going in for a minute but then coming back out to you' and just smiled. He did just that and i know she was awake. After that we hung out with his friends (neighbors) for awhile. Earlier that day he deliberately played a song (bar jukebox) that basically seemed to confess his feelings and made it a point for me to know what the name of the song was.Things like this make me want to tell him how deeply i love him, but i am still afraid. He constantly does things like this. I understand he is married, but look at the scene as if he were not....would these actions otherwise mean he has feelings towards me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): Thanks to both who responded. To mrg123, yes of course it's a sticky situation and that coupled with fear continues to hold me back.
As far as the other responder, one tends to assume that all affairs are purely sexual and that is not always the case. Many affairs are emotional, and that is what sometimes starts it. As I've said, we have a history so I know this man very well. I have not placed blinders over my eyes and choose what I want to see. I am a smart woman and see things for what they are.
I've had a few serious family issues lately and he called me out just to meet up and talk since he knew it was bothering me. He listened to me talk for hours and then held me while I cried and told me to let it all out. Would you still say this is just sexual? I see it otherwise. We are not just lovers but friends, and even he has admitted our connection runs deeper than that. But at the end of the day....do I really think he will leave her? No i don't. I've learned to control my emotions but that still doesn't change them.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011): its only a living arrangement? that means she sleeps in another room,says hi when you wake from his bed in the morning? then says dont mind me,its only a living arrangement. who gave you this knowledge? tell yourself anything you want but it still dont mean its true. he`s got one at home and one to play with. lucky fellow.
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A
male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (27 July 2011):
 Well, leaving aside the marriage issue for the moment (come back to that later because you can't sweep it under the carpet), I would say it seems he does have strong feelings for you. It seems to me he like he's 'fishing'; he's afraid of the same thing and is looking for you to say something in response to his actions or at least looking for him to give you a clue.
Now, back to the marriage issue because that does matter, i'd be a bit careful about this one. You say it's just a 'living arrangement', what does that mean? Is that based purely on what he tells you? I'd understand why you would hope that's the case but it does not mean it is so. Is it really just rejection that holds you back from confessing your feelings or the knowledge that this is a potentially sticky situation?
I really think rejection is not what you have to worry about here; I think you have to be sure this marriage is really over and that you are not setting yourself up for a world of hurt by getting involved too deeply, too quickly. Think before you leap. Good luck :)x
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