A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I've really made a fool of myself and I'm crushed. I recently made a move on a very special woman at work who has recently separated from her husband. I've fancied her - from a distance - for years, but respected the bonds of matrimony and left her alone (i.e. just exchanged a little bit of banter here or there and some lovely smiles). After I asked her out she rejected my advances, only for me to then discover she was actually living in rented accommodation with another guy from work. Disaster! Upon learning this I kind of felt obliged to semi-formally assure her that I would only approach her in future for strict business reasons. In other words, I walked away to save myself the heartache of trying to hang on in there in the 'friend-zone' (although we were never friends as such - but certainly friendly towards each other). I'm sure this approach certainly suits both her and the lucky co-worker she is currently dating. However, this does leave me out in the cold licking my wounds. I can put time between us but not space since the office is very close-knit. To make matters worse I've just been made redundant and am leaving in a couple of months' time. However, I'm glad to go since the healing process can really begin. Anyway, I just wonder whether I've done the right thing in ostracising myself or should I have tried to hang on in there in the semi-friend zone to see what might have happened. Do any women out there have any views on this? Have I been mature in walking away or immature? It's been a good few months since I asked her out but it's still eating me up every day since I can see her and hear her voice, but feel that I can no longer approach her. Her man is in an office round the other side of the building, incidentally. Many thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): Many thanks for your support, guys! I feel much better about the situation now. Redundancy is indeed loss of job due to cut-backs. The discomfort will pass when I leave the company - I am sure of that. Although, I can't help thinking that she is the one. However, at present she evidently does not think I am the one and so it's time to move on... Hope all's well with you guys, incidentally! Thanks again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): Okay...Question...what does it mean to be made redundant? I have read that in so many postings, and not quite sure what it means. I am an American, we don't have that term here, but I am quessing that from the context which it is used, it means what we here would call getting layed-off (losing our job due to cutbacks, etc.) Is that correct?
if that's the meaning, then you are better off, since the work situation is causing you discomfort. I hope you find another job soon, and maybe you should stay clear of office romance and find an alternate venue for dating.
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): walk away. You did good and mature, but she isn't interested. She will respect you more if you do this with dignity.
when you leave, maybe in a few (say 5) months text her or email her just to say hello - make no reference to the past or feelings. See how she responds. Do not read too much into it. Move on.
Star.x.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (15 February 2009):
 You did the right thing
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