A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a 16 year old girl, I'm a virgin, and I have been in love with a guy for 6 years. I know he has never felt the same, but we are planning to have sex together. I trust him completely, and I feel so ready to be with him. He's nearly 19, and all through school he had no interest in me. But we were in bed last week, getting pretty hot and heavy, and I told him the truth; I love him. He told me that he didn't love me, but in the past few months that we've spoken again, he has had feelings grow towards me.He promised that he would never use me, and that if we DID have sex, it wouldn't be a one time thing, and I could make the first move (I didn't feel ready at the time). What I want to know is, do you think I should still go through with this?? Should I have sex with him?? I have never told any guy I loved them before, anad he is someone I could honestly picture spending the rest of my life with, he's that special to me. Ask any further questions you like, I will answer as fully as possible. Thankyou for reading this, and thankyou for any advice which you give me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA long time to update I know, but I would like to thank everyone that answered for your advice. I didn't have sex with him, I've actually cut him out of my life completely.
I met a guy at my college, and while it was difficult to get our relationship started, we are now completely in love, and making all sorts of plans for the future :)
A few weeks ago I felt ready and comfortable enough to lose my virginity to him, and while it wasn't the most pleasant of experiences, I'm glad that he is the first (and hopefully only) man I've been with.
Thankyou all again, my life is now amazing, and so full of love :)
xx
A
female
reader, Tii3RN3Ybbs. +, writes (6 October 2008):
 Hi There,
babes, he said he didn't have feelings towards you.
i don't think you should loose it to him, how do u no he means what he says when he said " i won't use you " and " it will be more than a one time thing" babes, if he doesn't like you then hes going to go of with another girl and its going to break your heart, you don't want to loosse him to him and regret it, you might aswell loose it to somebody that actually does love you, and you no he won't leave you.
and you feel ready too.
maybe you feel that hes trustworthy but do u no him enough to no he'l stick by you if wosr comes to worse babes, be careful.
hope all goes weell.
ly x
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A
female
reader, anon642 +, writes (5 October 2008):
 What I want to know is, do you think I should still go through with this??
No. Infact, end this 'thing' my dear, he's playing you.
Should I have sex with him??
Definately not.
Dont cut yourself loose.
He's a young 19 year old, (yes, YOUNG!) playing the field as they say, he knows you like him, and knows that if he can get you to have sex with him, he can get it from you whenever he wants, all because you have said 'i love you'.
He's already told you this.
So its simple. Things end there.
All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): Sorry.. forgot the warning about using protection, condoms keep you safe from pregnancy and sexual disease..
You are also very wrong if you think that the act doesn't matter as long as you love somebody.. It matters a hell of a lot. You will have to get naked with this boy, he will use his penis to penetrate your body. That's as close as two human beings can get, it is a very intimate thing. If he's lying on top of you having sex, then you will be thinking, I love him, it's a pity he doesn't love me back. That's degrading, and so sad... That's not how sex should be for your first time.. You should be with a guy who takes your virginity and tells you that your beautiful and how much he loves you. You deserve that, every woman deserves that for her first time..
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): Hi babes,
I'm really sorry, but the answer is no. This boy is not good enough for you, you deserve much better than him. I know you love him, I know he is special to you. But he doesn't love you, if he did, he would tell you so and make you his world. Young men want sex, if a girl is in love with them and wants to have sex with them then of course they will not say no. He wants you to ask him, because when you start crying cause he doesn't love you, he can say you begged him for sex.
You present as aged 16 (overage) and currently living in the UK. Legally you can have sex with anyone you want, nobody can stop you. But please trust us, no aunt or uncle on this board will tell you to have sex with this guy. He doesn't love you that's why we want you to have sex. You are so young, and it's stupid for you to think that this is the best that you can do. Give your virginity when your in love with a guy who loves you with all his heart. If you give your virginity to this guy you will probably regret it for the rest of your life.
You won't die until your 80 - 90years old, that's a long time away. Don't rush things, you have the rest of your life to have sex. Keep your virginity until the right guy for you comes along. This guy wants sex, he doesn't want or deserve your love or your respect. He will hurt you and make you cry, please avoid him at all costs.. A better guy is out there waiting for you, save your virginity for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): I don't think you are getting the answer you want, otherwise you wouldn't still be looking for one. Ask yourself truthfully if you want to have sex with him. Forget all the factors surrounding it, and just have you. The entire decision rests on you, obviously. If later it turns out that it was a mistake, you will cry, learn from it and move on. Well good luck, and use protection.
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A
female
reader, texchik276  +, writes (29 September 2008):
trust me hunn,
you aren't ready to give that to him.
You will know when you are, and he should love you if you want it to be a good experience.
Just give it some time and make sure that you know what you're doing.
And it doesn't sound stupid that you want to show him you love him. But someone will love you. So you haven't found them yet... but it's ok. There's still time. If he does love you, he will wait
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A
female
reader, Dreamgirl31 +, writes (28 September 2008):
Girl, trust me. Hold on to your virginity like its a pot of gold. One day, your going to find the right man for you, and when he comes you will know. Wouldn't it be nice to give him the gift of your body, instead of being all used up by some guy you know cares nothing for you. Youll hate yourself, Im telling you. Once its gone, you wont be growing it back. Dont be stupid......remember that guy is out there somewhere right now, dont be stupid!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008): Your first time should be special, with someone you love and that LOVES you back. Once its done you cant take it back, just make sure that it what you want.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008): No. If he doesn't feel the same way, then you should wait. You may love him, but when you need to ask if you should, then you shouldn't. When you're ready you'll know. There will be no questions whether or not you want to, you know you will. And you won't care if you should because you know it's not that you shouldn't. You will also want to be comfortable enough with him to make sure y'all can talk about protection, and possible outcomes. And most people can't talk abouit that kind of stuff until they are really close, and it doesn't sound like y'all are.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI honestly don't know if he loves me, I'm not completely sure. And it sounds ridiculous, but I seriously don't feel like anyone will love me!! I've liked him since I was 10, and I've never felt the feelings I have towards him for anybody else. I have this belief that the act itself doesn't matter, unless the other person matters to you. Does this sound stupid??
And thankyou for the advice
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A
female
reader, Aunty Em +, writes (28 September 2008):
 I think the fact you're asking says a lot more than you think. If you were ready and willing to have sex with this boy, you'd know and feel sure. I don't think you'd need to ask.
Whether or not you love him, does he love you? Would you want your first time to be with someone who doesn't?
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A
female
reader, Parisienne  +, writes (27 September 2008):
 The short answer is NO. Do not have sex with this boy.
Its good that you are thinking about it and weighing your options... However, I think you are getting too wrapped up in the "does he love me" thing. If it were me I wouldn't have sex with him until I was 100% sure (and got him to say so) that the intensity of my feelings was reciprocated.
You don't want to spend the rest of your life with this man if he hasn't professed real love for you. Growing feelings are not the same as devotion. Once you cross that bridge with someone you can't go back. It makes life complicated. I know that everyone says its no big deal, but really you will never forget the first time you have sex. You want it to be with someone who loves you madly, intensely and sincerely. Someone who really has your heart, feelings and situation in mind.
It is my opinion and advice that you wait to have sex with him. Do not give up your virginity to someone who doesn't have your interests in his heart. He thinks by letting you make the first move he is being considerate, but really he is making it about "your decision vs. his pressing the issue". He's covering his own tail about responsibility if there is a question later.
Also, I don't know what the laws are in your country. You might have to worry about Statutory Rape because of the age difference. Also, there is something seriously wrong with a 19 year old who feels the need to get busy with a 16 year old. Can't he find someone his own age? I feel like he is looking for an easy target. Just something about it makes me think that. I'm sorry if that offends you or anyone else. Its an intuition I have.
There is a big difference in thinking between a 16 yr. old girl and a 19 yr. old. Some will disagree with me, but really it makes a big difference with regards to how sex is viewed.
He sees you as this hot young thing, and wants to go to bed with you. You see him as your knight in shining armor and want to marry him. The two of you have different goals and that is significant.
Also, you need to create a contingency plan for pregnancy. Before the two of you get into major intimacy decisions you need to get him to tell you straight up if he would be willing to take responsibility for anything that could come of it.
First loves are intense. I appreciate the intensity and sincerity of your emotions. I don't doubt that he is a nice kid, but really there is a whole lot that goes into having sex. Not just about how much you love each other but other factors. It is wise to consider it all before taking the plunge.
Good Luck.
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