A
female
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*una~
writes:I'm 24 years old and my boyfriend is 26. We have been dating for 2 years now. We are planning to move in soon. I was just thinking the other day I don't think I want to have a kid with him. I love him dearly, but I don't know if I can stand for my kid to have his kind of personality. He's stubborn, but smart. He's from a different culture than myself. He has a daughter (7) with his ex-wife. I was told that the daughter is exactly like my bf when he was young. When I play with her, it sometimes makes me frustrated. She wants attention plus stubborn and also have her own opinion without listening to the adult. If my kid is like that, I don't think I want a kid at all. Is it wrong to think about it like that?I'm Asian and my expectation for kids is so much different than the Western society.
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female
reader, Yuna~ +, writes (19 October 2007):
Yuna~ is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks everyone for their opinion with my problem. I understand there are things about my boyfriend that I don't like. However, there are other things that made me love him very much as well. I don't think there's a perfect guy out there that I love every single thing about him. Sometimes I tell myself I love him for who he is. However, there are times I just don't understand why he's so stubborn. It's almost like he has to get what he wants. He has been through a divorce (ex-wife ran off with another guy). He knows how a woman push to get what she wants from a husband. The difference between his ex-wife and me is my culture. I'm from an asian culture and we deal with relationship very differently, especially when it comes to role as a woman vs. man. He still needs to respect me, but I can be independent when I need to. I don't necessary need my boyfriend to take the garbage out since it's a man's job. I rather do it myself when I can.
We haven't yet live together and I can see he needs his space and I need my space. I am confuse with what I will have to deal with in the future. Kids will for sure come much later. I'm even considerating not to have kids at all. It's all the unknown that really bothers me at this moment.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007):
Would it be too crazy to suggest that you guys consider getting married before having any kids?
Just a wild thought.
Marriage is a minor paperwork step compared to raising a kid together for the next 20 years.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): If there are characteristics in your boyfriend that you do not want to live with FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE then you need to stop the relationship. Do not move in with him at all. Don't take in something that irks you each and everyday. You have a vision for how you want your children to be. Go after that. People will have their quirks but you dont want ANYTHING to where the person is selfish, attention seeking or obstinate. What kind of life is that for you. Get married and have children with a man who wants pleasant children. Someone who doesn't let bad behavior stick around and is willing to discipline children when they get out of hand. The last thing you'd need as a wife and mother is a carbon copy of a man who is not right.
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A
male
reader, dapone 1  +, writes (18 October 2007):
 dear Yuna
after reading your letter, please forgive me for saying this, but I do not think having children is the problem, as you have said you are an Asian woman and maybe the culture that we have is a bit of a shock to you, maybe you should talk to some-one who is an Asian woman in the same situation as yourself and ask for advice, children of all ages, including 7 year olds are very demanding, they are arrogant,do not do as they are told and are quite a hand full, because they have not been taught to be any different, people in the western world have a different view on children and because of this they seem out of control and very disobedient, but in fact this is how they learn to become better adults within the city's they live in, we tend to spoil our children far too much.
I hope this advise will help you, please do not be offended by what i have said because none was intended.
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A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (18 October 2007):
 i think a lot of it depends how the child is raised. you're boyfriends daughter was raised by him so its natural for her to be like him. she has been taught by his example. i do think that personality is somewhat affected by nature but most of it is nurture. if you raise your child correctly and give them all of the morals and attitudes you want them to have, not spoiling them and teaching them not to be stubborn i think you'll be fine. and you will love your child unconditionally anyway but you know that.brookex
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): If you do love him jump in there ur kid could be like you or a mix of u and ur bf. Doent let this getin ur way, you raise the kid to be respecful if thats what you want them like discuse it with ur bf. Its all about Parentel Influnce.Good Luck Cheesy A. XoX
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