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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: i have been with my husband for 8 yrs... we were high school sweet hearts, i was only 14 when we got together. he said all the right things and did all the right things, so we've been together ever since. now the yrs have passed and our 5th yr anniversary is coming up, and im wondering why am i still with this man after all that he has put me through? I honestly dont trust men because of the marriage my parents had. my father cheated in my mother and i guess i kinda scarred me. so im nosy when i get a feeling that he talking to another women. anyway, ive caught him several times trying to get with other women through texting or the web, and finally about 2 months ago i got him drunk and he ended up passing out, so i looked through his phone and found out that he was cheating on me with a women he worked with... my heart sank. i was devastated! and then to top it off i read more messages and found out that she was sayn she was pregnant! now that hurt soooo much just writing it right now makes me cringe. so i wake him up and start screaming and yelling and asking him about this mess, and he really coulnt respond soo tha next day comes along and he tells me tht he was in love with her but that he loved me more, ??? that was bullshit he's just another ass... so anyway he tells me that he doesnt want her and that he tried leaven her but she came back crying saying she missed him and wanted him with her, now this women has a husband and 3 children... and he tells me she is telling him she's pregnant with my husbands baby, and she knows its his because she dosent sleep with her husband, now they only had sex once and tht one time they didnt use protection. so i kinda believed it, then we come to find out she really wasnt pregnant and she was just saying that so he wouldnt leave her. so he dosent talk to her anymore he changed jobs and numbers... and apologized many times and said he was so angry with himself for doing that and letting it evn get to the point of almost impregnating someone. so after alot of apologies i forgave him and its been great ever since, but i just cant seem to think that i made a stupid decision... i mean why couldnt i jsut have been strong and leave him? i mean i know theres women out there that aftr the first time it done! like my mom for instance she stood up for herself and left him... why coulnt i have been that strong... why?????
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female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 Hello. You didnt leave him because you didnt want to leave him. You still love him. But loving someone and forgiving them are two different things. Its very easy for people to say leave. But as youve found out...and your mother will know. It takes a lot of courage to just walk away when the person you love is saying how much they love you, how sorry they are...and promising they wont do it again. Because sadly you so want to believe them. To rebuild your trust in him, your husband will have to stop cheating. And learn to roll with the punches while you wrestle with what he did and your doubts. You must tell him when you are having a "bad day". Explain how you feel and why, so he knows whats up and can reassure you. If you just go quiet or moody, he wont have a clue why, yep some are that dumb. So he wont be able to put your mind at rest. There will be days when you are convinced staying with him was the best thing you ever did. And other days when you beat yourself up for staying with a cheat... and you really dont like him at all! Its a matter of proportions. If the days when you really dont like him far out number the days when you do like him. That will become very destructive. If thats happening, dont blame yourself. You didnt chose to be in this position. He put you in it. If you are finding it hard to forgive. Dont work on it alone. Ask him to attend counselling with you. If nothing helps and you cant find any peace of mind, forgiveness or trust. Then leaving him is still an option. I hope things work out ok for you. Ive been there and left in the end. Sometimes its the only way to move forward in life and be happy x
A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 Because it's not easy to suddenly cut someone you love out of your life. Unfortunately, there's no guarantee he's not going to cheat again, and after getting caught may just put more effort into hiding it better. Look for the signs, i.e. he suddenly becomes distant, hides his phone from you, etc. Above all else, trust your intuition. If it's telling you something's not right, listen to it.
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A
female
reader, loraemoon +, writes (8 July 2010):
 why because you was scared of being alone? rejected? not loved? or you was just so in love you thought you could get over this, obviously this is still affecting you and rightly so, he cheated and lied, trust is very hard to win back, i can honestly say if my man cheated he would be out and i would never take him back no matter how much i love him, he betray you in the biggest most hurtful way and thats hard to deal with, your very brave to of stayed, but on the other hand you must really love him its your choice can you live with this can you truly forgive? im not saying he would do it again but most men once they cheat they will again especially if they think they will get away with it, i hope you find peace with all this good luck
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