A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. I have a serious question. I am twenty years old and I have a two year old daughter. Her father and I are not together and have not been for a loooong time. He has not cared to see her up until now and keeps threatening to get custody of her. I know for a fact the only reason he wants to see her is because he wants me back, because he still sends me love letters in the mail. Anyway, I am afraid of him because of how our relationship was and tho my question does not fully have to do with him it sort of does as well. I really want another child, but I wanted to wait until I was finished with school. Im currently attending college to be a Kindergarten teacher. I am not necessarily waiting for a "man" because my ex messed me up so bad, so I figured Id go to the sperm bank and bypass all that man drama because I obviously cant pick the right men. The more and more he threatens to get partial custody of our daughter, the more I want another child. I feel that another child will help me. If she does have time with him, this way my mind will be occupied and I wont be freaking out so much. I also think with another child, he will back off more. I feel like another child will help me cope tho I know for a fact he cannot get any kind of custody and he will only have a few hours visitation a week it still scares me bad. I also think my daughter would absolutly love a brother or sister. So my plans are to go to a sperm bank and do eveything, but try to plan it so the baby is born a month after I graduate. My thing is that it will be much harder to find a boyfriend with two children, and also what people will say if they know I went to a sperm bank? And, I don't want my child to have unknown brothers and sisters all around he world. Another thing is I'm wondering, is it wrong to purposely raise a child without a father? What would I tell my child when they grow up? I really really love being a single mother. I don't have to argue with anyone about how to raise my children and I've done a very good job at raising my daughter. I know I read some articles that talked about all the advantages of being a single parent and growing up in a single parent home. What do you all think should I do it or no?... Please don't send nasty remarks this is something I'm really serious about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): O,no, not the sperm bank. This planet is overpopulated as it is, get married in a future and then have a baby w/a a father of your child.Talk to someone professional, your thoughts are all over the place, sounds like you are greatly disturbed by your life situation
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): I don't have any nasty remarks for you, but you may take offense to what I have to say.
You are only 20 years old. Instead of having a baby by a sperm donor to solve your problems of being messed up by the last man who fathered a child, and to give your child a sibling, and to make you feel less worried about losing child number 1, you would at least have child no. 2....why don't you consider getting some counseling to help you deal with all of your fears and psycholgical scars that were a result of this past relationship, also to learn how to deal better with an ex who is threatening to you about taking your child away?
Don't you think that would be a better solution instead of bringing a child into the world that will never know his/her biolgical father, and the fact that you have already resigned yourself to never finding love again or possibly giving your children the benefits of having two parents both a father and a mother?
I am not knocking single mothers, I have the greatest respect for them and sympathy for them in having the bad luck with men, I certainly have had my share of bad men....but I am also childless and I don't regret not having a child, but enough about me.
The fact that you are only 20 and thinking of this really breaks my heart for you.
You have plenty of time to have children and you are thinking of bringing a child into the world for all the wrong reasons. Please don't do it and seek some professional help for yourself. It is you who you need to work on so that you can have your best life. Seeking help when you need it is a sign of intelligence and inner strength, do it for you, do it for your child.
God Bless.
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