A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I just had a few questions about sex. I'm getting married in a couple weeks... and I kinda feel embarrassed admitting this but... I'm a virgin. :/ I would just like some tips and stuff.. I wouldn't dare ask my mom these questions because she says that your not suppose to perform foreplay before you have sex. (She's very religious) My first question is, (have seen pornos) why do people call sex "lovemaking"..? It doesn't really look beautiful to me at all.. Second question, why do people do the *stuff* they do before they have sex? Third question how bad does it hurt and how much will I bleed? Any other comments are greatly appreciated. Thank you!
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male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (19 December 2009):
 " (have seen pornos) why do people call sex "lovemaking"..? It doesn't really look beautiful to me at all."
Most important statement of questioner I have quoted above.
This is the example of duality: a war against 'unity' of nature. In nature sexual act is all, and what is termed as 'love' is only an attribute of sex, inherently united with sexuality. Just suppose, there is no such thing as sexuality, then how the idea of love would have entered in to mind? Love is something energetic, something intimacy, and is inherently associated with sex only.
But, it is religious thinkers, who has made this separation, and institution like 'prostitution and pornography came in to being to defame the beauty of sex, and their scheme also continuously work in our 21st century!
It is only sex, and man's love for sex has formulate the principle of vision, just to learn the idea of 'spirituality', and from this seed, art and science develop. It was the start of civilization and culture....is all historical record. Sex is not and cannot enclosed just in bed-room.
I do not wish to hurt the questioners, because she has admitted in question, about their religious culture...and ideas against 'foreplay'...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your help, the links had a lot of useful information that I needed. Thank you =)
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A
female
reader, applebite8821 +, writes (18 September 2009):
 I am just answering based on the title of your question:In my own experience love making has become literal. Believe me, I met my boyfriend and at first I wasn't that attracted to him but I am comfortable being with him and I enjoy sharing some company with him. To cut it short I agreed to be his girlfriend even if I wasn't attracted and didn't feel like seeing him with his pants off. But a month or so later we decided it was time for us to explore further. So we had sex. Frankly, after the first sex, I just wanted to disappear from him as it didn't make me feel happy.But it happened again and again and again. I don't know, there was something in the sex that make me want him more. It's something better than just talking or making out. Just him staring at me while we have sex and the cuddles after and the foreplays was like making me love him deeper and deeper. Really, for a woman like me, that was a faster way to make me love my boyfriend. Because of the connection we had, we were able to create love. I think that's why they call it lovemaking.Some of the readers here might find my answer a bit too shallow or nonsense but that's how I view lovemaking.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (18 September 2009):
 1) A woman can definitely be bad at sex, if she's just lying there and the fella is wondering if she's a) day dreaming, b) miserable or c) dead. Really, all it takes to be good at sex is enthusiasm! Here's a question that was asked a little while ago, though it got off topic between a few aunts...
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-it-fair-to-say-women-cant-be.html
2) Is sex the same as masturbating... well, no, because when you're masturbating, it's just you. During sex, there's two of you. And it's a different kind of sensation. A second person can add in all kinds of added fun - you can't kiss your own neck and there's just something about feeling skin on skin. Sex is togetherness. Masturbation is just solo fun. But, I do encourage you, when you get used to things, to incorporate the two together! Do the ol' reach around and touch yourself WHILE he's inside of you. Double the pleasure, double the fun.
Don't worry too much about technicalities, but sex is fun and should get effort from both of you! I doubt you'll be "la la la"ing until he finishes, and if you do, you'll be missing out. So participate, smile and have some enthusiasm! It takes both of you to make sex the best it can be.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for the information that you have given me =) I think I have just two more questions I would like to ask if thats ok with everyone. 1. How is woman bad at sex? I don't understand the big deal about it I mean I thought that if the girls on top that she just *la la la* till he cums? 2. Is sex for woman the same as masturbating? I know i'm a christen but hey we christens have our needs to lol Thanks I appreciate all the answers I get.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (18 September 2009):
Hi, girlfriend! Congratulations on getting married!
1) Now I'm all for a little porn here and there, but not as an example of what sex means in the real world!! It's "fun", but certainly not an illustration of how sex looks, especially between two people in love! Sex can be just fun sex and it can be lovemaking. Lovemaking is (at least, for me), intertwined with emotion and love. It feels different, it feels connected and special. It's different from just a random encounter that just physically is satisfying, lovemaking satisfies all the senses and all the emotions connected with love and the act of sex. They say sex is a physical expression of love - well that's true - if you're making love. It FEELS beautiful. And when you're the ones doing it, you're not watching it as an outsider, you're experiencing it.
2) Good question. Why is foreplay so important? Well, it makes the sex much, much better. But, more importantly, it's a crucial part of getting to know and wander through your partners body in an intimate way that only the two of you know. There is so much pleasure to be had and explore that you can only get from foreplay. Especially YOU, missy! Don't let me downplay foreplay for a man, but foreplay for a woman is AMAZING and where the real pleasure kicks in. It connects you and really hits all the little known erogenous zones that have been hiding all over your body (unbeknownst to you!). So don't knock it before you seriously have some fun doing foreplay. Take your time too... no need to rush. Recommendation? Flavored massage oil... swap sexy massages and then everything just tastes better! Victoria's Secret has some particularly tasty ones. And they look (and are) classy, not trashy.
3) Your bleeding depends on YOU. Some girls bleed a lot, some girls don't. Don't worry if you do or don't - either way, you're normal. And as for how bad it hurts, also dependent. You read on this site girls who didn't hurt at all, and some who hurt tons. It depends on your body! But, if it does hurt, it WILL get better. Give it time and practice and it'll be great after awhile. Don't expect magic the first time, it takes awhile for you two to find your groove and your pleasure spots. But both of you communicate and speak up, so your sex life can be as gratifying as possible!
Remember to be patient, enjoy the proverbial "scenery" and talk and laugh as much as possible. This should be a fun journey for you both that results in something powerful and memorable. And it might not be the first time, second or fifth! Every couple - person, goes at their own pace. Congratulations again, and enjoy!
P.S. And be safe! Best sex is safe sex!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): To answer as best as I can:
1) pornos are as much the opposite to love making as you can possibly get. They're basically choreographed to look exciting to watch. When you're with your husband, things will be different to porn. You can have rough sex or truly make love (sharing a connection, like staring into each other's eyes, moving slowly, being sensual) depending on your mood.
2) the stuff you do before having sex - foreplay - is sort of like a "warm up" and will make sex a lot more enjoyable as well as starting that connected feeling I mentioned. So you could start out undressing each other, touching each other's bodies. It's all part of becoming aroused and wanting to be with your partner. If you want to know how to do all that stuff, there's plenty of other questions on this site you can read through.
3) if you do some foreplay, it will hurt a lot less the first time. Personally, I didn't bleed the first time at all, but I don't think it's usually much more than a brief light-moderate period flow, I mean it's only a thin flap of tissue breaking. People often break it without even knowing it during exercise or something, so that won't hurt. Get your husband to penetrate you really slowly and then move slowly until it gets more comfortable. The first time you'll probably be nervous which makes your vagina tighten up unfortunately, which makes it a little harder. But it does get a lot easier and some women don't even experience any pain the first time.
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