A
female
age
41-50,
*licia
writes:I am a 38 year old lady who has been in an unhappy long distance relationship in another city(away from home) for 7years with no assurance from my man that he will marry me any time soon.At the beginning of this year i met a guy same age as me who was interested in me and i made the decision that when im back home for the holidays i will tell my man the relatonship is over.This new guy and i got along in many ways that i couldnt have imagined and we seemed to have alot in common in terms of education as well as hobbies.we went out a few times then he told me he was married but he still wanted to have a relationship with me. i asked him if anything will come of this and he said he didnt know. now we are together in a relationship and he asked if i could have a baby with me. He still goes to see his family some weekends because is relationship is also long distance. He assures me that he wants to be with me and calls me his girlfriend but he makes no plans with me. do you think this relationship will go anywhere? should i have a baby with him? should i end it even though i am happy with him being around and i like being loved by someone? please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2015): You really know in your heart where he really is on the weekends when he is supposed to be with family.He is out there telling another young girl the same thing he is telling you.He is married.He does not care about you at all.He is exposing you to std by wanting you to get pregnant, hence not using protection.This is a common lie...I want you to have my baby.Guys just say this when they do not want to cover it up.You are old enough to know better.Find an available man. They are out there you know.
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (26 September 2015):
I think you need to think more about what kind of people you get involved with. Of course you shouldnt have a baby with a married man
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2015): Give me a dollar or a dime for the number of times a married guy has said he'll be there and run for the hills when complications like babies arrive...and yet theyre so damned convincing!No, you wont get anything out of this relationship in the long term because you have met Mr. Have His Cake and Eat It! Dont expect maintenance for a baby either ..he probably has more kids than you realise ,maybe with two or three different women.You have just entered a grey area.If thats what you want then fine..if you want the ring, the wedding the house ,th dog ,the car and the garage before the baby then look elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (23 September 2015):
 I think having a baby with a married man will end up with a lot of heartbreak. His words may be fancy but his actions don't match them. Is that the kind of father figure you'd want a child to have? I sure would have hated to have a father like that!
Alicia, you are involved on one hand in an LDR with a guy who for 7 years hasn't made the next obvious step, which is to close the distance and formalize the relationship. On the other hand, you're now in a relationship with a married man, who doesn't make plans with you but asks you to have a baby.
There's a bit of a pattern here. You're getting involved with men who aren't really available. That's probably not an accident. For some reason, you aren't being really proactive in your choices and actions.
With the LDR guy, I don't think you need to wait until the holidays to end it in person. With the married man who wants to father a child with you with absolutely no commitment on his part, I'd say to him, 'call me when you are divorced and prepared to commit to me, and not before.'
Then you will be free to meet and date an available man, one who isn't distant and chooses not to commit and one who isn't already committed elsewhere.
This may mean that you go without an official boyfriend for a while, but that's not the worst thing that can happen, right? If you are so desperate for love that you'll settle for these men, I think I see an area of growth and development you could be working on, to help get you through to the next step in your life. Best wishes to you as you find that inner strength and peace.
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