A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI'm with my Current bf for a year, he never told me he loves me though I told him twice.He mentioned that he is not comfortable saying it, since it feels like forced for him. So we do not talk about love anymore. We live 45 minutes from each other and meet every week end.I'm an introverted shy person and I don't warm up to people easily . I'm like this my whole life and never had lots of friends. But I'm very loyal and kind and nice once people get to know me. We sometimes go to visit his friends parties and his friends GFs or wives don't really talk to me, since I don't have much in common with them ( I'm from diff country) Most of he time I end up playing in phone or reading in phone. I feel bored every time and I don't want to jokers following where my bf goes, it looks weird. We had fight a couple of times because of this. Now he is telling me if I don't want to hang out in party I don't have to come. What should I do? Should I go with him and be miserable or stay at home and get anxious?Some of the single girls coming there are hitting on him. Once or twice I saw a particular girl hitting on him, I told him, he brushed off saying she is funny and nice and he doesn't think she was flirting with him.Please help me, what should I do?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 February 2017):
 Are you sure you want to be in this relationship? Okay so he does not like to use the love word, that is okay it is only a word. But after a year has this relationship progressed? Do you both go on dates alone? Does he show you that he loves you?
If you don't like going to the parties then don't. You say you will be anxious though which leads me to think you do not trust your boyfriend completely. I don't see a happy relationship here at all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2017): I agree with Fatherly Advice that this is a lukewarm relationship, based on your description. Your boyfriend hasn't said I love you AND he doesn't seem supportive of you at social gatherings.Yes, it could be that you're not being engaging/interesting, which is why I also agree with Fatherly Advice that you should take time to develop your own interests and have fun regardless of your boyfriend. Discover what you need/don't need in your life. On the other hand, your boyfriend should also be more supportive, and he doesn't seem in tune to your needs. Even if people operate differently, let's say specifically at a social gathering, there should be some middle ground for you two, where you try to be more engaging and make an effort with his friends to join in the fun, and he can be more present by checking in with you and spending more time by your side at these gatherings. You'll need to talk to him of course (without this becoming an argument) to figure out what each person needs. If he's unwilling then I'm afraid that the reason this is a lukewarm relationship is because he's not all that into it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (13 February 2017):
 ** OR a dessert.** sorry mistype
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (13 February 2017):
"What should I do?"
My advice is that you take a weekend off and do something yourself. See how much you really need this lukewarm relationship. In fact I would advise you to cut him back to every other week. Do tell him what you are doing on weekends at home. Do things you like to do that he could possibly join you for. Go places, see things, take up a hobby or sport.
If you want him to treat you like an equal partner you have to do your part. You have to become an exciting interesting person.
Another thing you should also do is to bring something to share to his parties on his weekends. North Americans are insatiable in their interest about other cultures. Give them a taste of your culture as an ice breaker. Don't make it something huge or grand, Just little things, like art of a dessert.
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