A
male
age
36-40,
*its1988
writes:Hi, I am new to this site.I am from India and I love a girl in Romania. She recently got out of a relationship. They were going out for 7-8 years; even though she loved him, he never loved her. I suggested her to break the relationship. I might have flirted with her a bit and she seemed to have feelings for me. I asked her out and she didn't give me a definitive answer. The distance between us being the primary concern.I honestly didn't (don't) mind the distance. We started cyber dating; skype calls, FB chats, whatsapp. And we both loved talking to each other. She didn't want to name the relationship. We made plans to meet each other in April and we were really looking forward to that. She said that we'll be sure only when we meet.And now, I had an argument on the day before Valentine's Day; I wanted to spend some time with her and she was busy. She didn't give me a proper reason as to why she was busy and I was hurt. I sent her a Valentine's card that I had prepared via email. She replied to the mail with the reason as to why she couldn't talk at night; but no reference to my card or even a Valentine wish. I was more upset. When we finally spoke, I broke down.On Valentine's Day also, I had an argument with her. She didn't wish me and she didn't even mention that she'd want to spend time with me. Finally she said that she didn't believe in it and in Romania, its not usually celebrated.Now, she feels that because of these cultural differences and this distance, we are facing many issues and we should end this relationship. And we can meet as friends, but nothing else.I love her a lot and I don't think I can end it with her. I might have got out of hand when I was upset, but I apologized a lot to her.Do you think that I am acting crazy and being silly? Do you think I should do the trip with her as friends? We still talk to each other and we like talking to each other. Please guide me.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 February 2014):
 You are NOT in love with this girl; you are infatuated with her. There is a big difference. You may THINK you love her but until you meet face to face and get to know each other LOVE and making plans for the future should NOT be happening.
You only know of her other relationship from what she tells you. SHE tells you she loved him but he never loved her. For all you know he loves her madly but she wants more.
YOU suggested she break up so she told you she did. Maybe she did maybe she didn’t. IF she was in a relationship for 7-8 years and she just broke up with him, it’s probable she will need time to heal from this broken relationship. ANY man she gets involved with is a transitional guy that will possibly be tossed aside as she heals.
The other option is she TOLD you she broke up with him but did not. And BTW how would you feel if you were the local boyfriend to a girl that was CHEATING ON YOU behind your back? And what makes you think she won’t cheat on you as well?
I think you are being silly thinking that this is a true and real relationship. UNTIL you meet you can’t call it anything but ONLINE friends…..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): I don't think you're acting crazy. I think you're being foolish and naive. How can you call this a real relationship?
Seriously?!!
It is highly probable she is still with her boyfriend, always has been, and you're just a an online fantasy relationship.
You took it all far to seriously, and she played you along; because you are so unbelievably gullible. She can't sit around waiting for you. You can only visit on occasion, and she has a boyfriend right there.
My friend, you surely don't get out much.
You don't have much experience in terms of having real relationships; or you would know the difference between having a fulfilling relationship in real-life, and how wonderful it is; versus time spent staring at each other through screens. Only being together on the remote chance you can.
Trust me. She is living a full life; while you're the one still living out a fantasy relationship.
Practice at meeting women in-person, and carrying on relationships that require more of you than texting and Skpe.
Relationships that you actually need to interact with another human being emotionally. Learn how to have a real girlfriend; without hiding behind a device to disguise your shortcomings and imperfections as person.
All she really knows of you is some character you've created through social media.
Don't expect her to take you seriously. It's an online romance; which is barely rooted in reality. It is more fantasy than fact. Then add the distance and cultural differences between someone from Asia; and someone still residing in a country somewhere between Central Europe and Southeastern Europe.
My friend, you have nothing in-common at all.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 February 2014):
 I don't think Valentine's day is any more special in India than in Romania so she is using it as an excuse so you won't blame her. I don't think she is serious about meeting you in person. It's easy to say you love a person online but in reality it is a different thing. I don't think you should go to Romania. It won't ever be anything more than friendship. She was talking to you as a way to handle the loneliness after the break up.
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