A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in trouble of misunderstanding and I feel like my friends are avoiding me. They talk when they have to and avoid important talks with me. I just can't describe what my feelings say.It might be a long story, but I reaaallly need an advice:( We are 4 girls close friend since 3 years ago in college. 3 of them are close friends before they meet me. They come from same school before. And since 2 of them, lina and anne get a complicated relationship with a guy, who is my guy friend too. They keep backstabbing each other while they looks like a real close friend and act like nothing happen. Anne start to talk badly about lisa to all people and my boyfriend told me that I may not to be too close with her. She might be dangerous for me in case she do that to me too. So, I get a distance with her while I act like nothing happen. I just seldom hanging out with them. And a month ago, everything was just a mess after lisa and anne arguing about their problems. Anne is quite aggresive girl, she tried to intimate with my guy friend but she failed, lisa also tried to be close with the same guy but both of them seems trying for a hopeless thing to happen. The guy they wanted, have a girlfriend already (but then still give them hope that I think its too bad), and even he hasn't he wouldn't be their boyfriend, that's what he told my boyfriend (they were bestfriend since primary school and have no secrets between them).But, as I know that, I can't told them the truth straight forward. Sometimes I advice them not to hope too much and trying to enjoy other things. Anne, who seems to realize about this, take risk to be close with my another guy friend which already has girlfriend too, mary. She texted him and act aggresively, she often touch him in front of his girlfriend and talk a dirty jokes. Unfortunately, of course that's all make his gf so mad and jealous.Lately, lisa realize that something wrong with our "friendship" and while chatting mary can't hide her emotion and blow up all the things that had happened. She told lisa that anne was backstabbing her all the time. Lisa upset, and told us too what anne had done at our back and told all the bad things about anne. Anne told everybody that I'm an old fashion girl, which I'm don't like to get drunk, I don't talk dirty like her, and I must offer sex to my bf to understand my bf. Of course I get mad and in that situation I can't control myself. I told lisa too what had happened behind her which I realllly regret now.After that, several days after that lisa told anne about what I and mary told about. She said she just wanted to clarify their problems. Since then, we all act awkwardly when we meet, except between lisa and anne. they seems to be close again and forget about what had happened. That just makes me feel bad, I feel that they might think that I'm the one who make them quareeling. I really feel bad about this. I want to clarify about this but I'm afraid that will only cause another problem to me.Another problem to make worse, another girl, teresa, with her bf, have some trust issue. She like to control his bf and his bf likes to lie to her whenever he go to somewhere. And because I don't know that they like to cover and help him lying, there's once I ask teresa why she doesn't join us hanging out because I want to give her money that I ask her to buy something days ago. She shocked and upset that she doesn't know anything and known that she'd being lied by her bf. They broke up because of that. And her bf hates me because of that and called me bitch at my back and straight frown face to me although they make up alrdy now. My bf know that and told me about that.I really feel that was unfair. I do nothing wrong I think, I don't mean to broke their relationship or what.I really want to clarify all this problem. But then I'm afraid that I would only get another big problem again. My bf told me that I'm just too innocent that its not really my fault. He said that I need to act like nothing happen and be more mature next time, trying to talk less and hear more. I'm happy that he supports me through this hard time. I just feel so lonely now. They never ask me to hang out anymore and everytime they want to hang out, they told my bf. I feel awkward too to meet them. This week teresa invite me for her birthday party. Should I come, how will I act, when I know her bf doesn't like me?Guys, do you have some advice for me? The more advice I get, more better solution I get I guess. Thanks before :) GBU
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): Oh my gosh... Finally someone seem to really understand my feelings. Thanks for the good advice :DYeah, I know my bf is right. Your advice was just similar with his. Hahaha.. :) He told me that I better live my life and enjoy it rather than depressing about this problem. He said that teresa's bf want to call me bitch or what just ignore it. Because how hard the gossips and problems goes, there will be forgotten soon. He told me I must have my self-pride to face them. Not to avoiding them which I don't really understand what he means. Hahaa.. But, I'm afraid that her bf will told and influence my other friends and the others hate me too. I'm just feeling so lonely lately. I feel like they are happy there and I'm lonely here.I don't know am I just too panaroid with this or I really need to worry about this. My bf always tell me not to worry and don't too much thinking about this but I just can't. Whenever I saw the girls are taking pic together, sometimes I get a little sad and jealous I'm not there... I feel that they treat me not like before anymore..
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 February 2012):
 Oh gosh, this was complicated :) I am not sure I got it all quite right. But all in all I'd say that your bf gave you excellent advice : stay out of all this. Live your life , be polite and civil to everybody, but don't get so involved in their problems and gossips and backstabbing. It's not your fault , so act in consequence : do no evil fear no evil... But, like bf says... next time be more mature, talk less ,listen more and stay out of their business ! What do you care if these girls are in competition for the same guy ?.. as long as it's not your guy :)or if Teresa's bf is a player?, that's Teresa's problem. This sounds so much like teenage drama, ....but you are in college now, you have to be above all these menial arguments and gossips.
I think too that having formal explanations now would only complicate things and add to the drama, - just let it go, it does not sound so important . I understand that now you feel a bit left out and isolated , but a ) probaly it's a tempest in a teapot , it will all boil down in a few days b) if it shouldn't, no big loss- it does not seem that you and these girls are really soulmates, after all they are just college mates, most probaby your paths would diverge anyway, in 5 years probably you won't even remember them !
As for the party, go if you wish, after all you have been invited directly by the birthday girl, you are going there for her, not for her boyfriend. So what if he does not like you ? Just be civil when necessary, and for the rest , stay away from him ... and as much as possible from all this hornet 's nest !
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