A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm struggling to make a decision. I don't want this to sound like first world problems or like a brat. I've been dating someone for nearly 6 months now. We're starting to get more serious and have had a really great relationship so far. The problem is that he invited me to be a plus one for his good friend's wedding and the same weekend my parents are planning a trip to Europe and invited me along. I'm very close to my boyfriend and my family. And I'm so grateful that they both invited me. My parents are essentially offering an all expenses paid European trip, which would be an awesome opportunity to see places I probably won't ever go otherwise and some family bonding. However, I've never been invited as a date to a wedding. I know it would be a lot of fun and a romantic night for us. It would be great to get to know his friends better and I guess I selfishly want to be seen as a couple too. Not that we haven't before, but I feel like going to a wedding together is a big deal. I love my family and don't want them to feel jilted. However o know my boyfriend would be too. I told him about my situation and he said he'd be bummed not to have me there, but wants me to make the decision that makes me happiest. I think I'm going to feel guilty or bummed with whatever decision I make. I feel like it's lame and dependent of me to want to be with my boyfriend and stupid to miss the opportunity of going overseas and visiting some cool new places. I hope I don't sound too terrible needing advice on this. I'm not sure what to do and feel so confused/guilty.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 March 2017):
 I would take the trip also, you may be 22 but you are still your parents daughter and am sure they would love to have you with them, their will be more weddings for you and your boyfriend to attend and well yes he may be bummed that you don't go with him, but he cannot be annoyed, you are only dating for six months and well a trip is a big thing. Whatever you choose to do, do it for yourself not your family or boyfriend.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 March 2017):
 Definitely take the trip over the wedding. Your boyfriend should absolutely understand. It may be a once in a lifetime trip with your family and he should realize how important that is. In fact, how he handles this will certainly be an indicator of how important your well-being is to him.
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A
male
reader, VitaminZ +, writes (7 March 2017):
I vote for Europe. If it was his sister or brother getting married, it'd be a different situation. If he's the right guy for you, he'll understand that this is a great opportunity for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 March 2017):
 I'm ABSOLUTELY with Cindy and Denizen!
I'd go on the trip. I would have no doubt. You have ONLY been together with your BF for 6 months and while this is HIS best friend's wedding - it just doesn't compare.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (7 March 2017):
 I think there are more benefits to travelling with your parents than a wedding with your boyfriend. Say you break up in a few months and went to the wedding instead of France.... would you regret it as you'd no longer have contact with those people? Now reverse it: if you broke up in a few months, would you regret going to France instead of the wedding?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 March 2017):
 For me, I vote France. Absolutely. No doubt about it.
First, sorry, but loving, caring ( and generous ! ) parents who are your parents since 22-25 years trump ( and so they should ) 6 months boyfriend anytime.
Don't get me wrong, I wish you the best and hope you'll end up married with this guy if so you wish, but you are 22 -25 and a " 6 months " boyfriend could turn out very ,very possibly not be the huge deal that it seems to you right now. In two yers, or one year, or next month- he could became that " whatshisname ? " for whom you have, well, spit in your parent's face turning down their offer .
Second, it's true that France is not going anywhere but, it's an all expenses paid trip and do not be so sure that's an occasion that will necessarily show up again soon , or when you want it. There's an ocean between you and France, it is an expensive trip, and while you could scrimp and save for it - well, why SHOULD you when it's offered to you on a silver plate ? Plus, as that song in "The Miserables " , " Now is the moment " , or : NOW is the moment. If you are offered an opportunity to travel ( and if you like travelling, of course ) seize it; maybe, in fact probably, in the next 10 / 15 years or so you will be so busy with building your career, keeping on top of your game financially, buying your house , giving birth to and growing your children etc. etc... that travels will have to slide at the end of your to-do list.
While, mark my words, you will be pelted with chances of going as a date or official partner to weddings. If you have a moderate or even a minimal social life, you still will get more wedding invitations than you want and need. Give it time , you will have weddings up to the wazoo. I know it has not happened yet and this would be the first time, but, considering your age range , your next occasion is probably just few months away .
Another thing, I think that in your head you make attending a wedding a more romantic occasion that it is for the average guest. A wedding is generally romantic for the bride and gtoom, if they are in love, but for the average guest is generally an occasion to overindulge in food and drinks, socialize whether you want it or not with perfect strangers , and ,eventually, get tired and bored to tears. And, do not go figure that you and your boyfriend will have a lot of time for staring tenderly into each other's eyes, or slow dancing as if you were the only people in the room and the rest of the world did not exist... naaah. If your bf is just minimally socialized and has just even a veneer of good manners, he knows that this is not what's expected of him. You don't go to weddings to canoodle, but, au contraire, to mix and mingle with everybody and his sister , make the rounds of relatives , reconnect with old friends, help the bride and groom entertain people, and help them make sure everything goes well and the party is a success.
As for getting to know his friends better, that you can do it literally any time ! why does it need to be done THAT specific day. And your special romantic night ? MAKE one, your own, all yours, just you and your boyfriend, go to some quaint country inn for the weekend, or dress up and go have oysters and champagne in some 5 stars restaurant, or whatever it is your brand of " romantic ". It will be more yours than just hoping to soak up the vibes from someone else's special day.
I hope you won't think that I am a total b...h if I add that I don't particularly care for your bf's comment that he will be bummed if he has to attend this event by himself. Ok, actually I cut him a lot of slack, I guess it just means that he is much in love and he will miss you, as it is only natural... so he gets away on a technicality :)
But frankly, his is not the right attitude . What, you stand to get a beautiful gift from your parents, and do something interesting, exciting and mind-opening, in short GOOD for you,.. and the first thing he can think of, is : " hey what about ME: I will be bored, I will be bummed ... "
I don't know, maybe I am expecting too much from a guy in his early 20s, and in the honeymoon stage still... but tbh I feel that he should not even THINK in this terms !, and if he does ( we are all human after all, and all self centered to some extent... ) he should keep quiet about it, and just express his pleasure in your good fortune and his joy that something good is happening to you.
Bon voyage ! (... I hope :)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 March 2017):
 Go to the wedding. The wedding is this one time. France will be there for a good while longer.
But, I always say that you need to prioritize the first agreement you made, in any such situation. If you agreed to go with your boyfriend to the wedding, and then AFTERWARDS you were invited to Europe, then sorry. You are busy that weekend.
I fail to understand though, why your parents can't make this trip the week after? It sounds as nothing is yet booked or paid for, since you're still undecided if you are going or not. So why not push the date? The wedding date can not be changed. But plain tickets can always be booked for a week later.
In this case, if I were you, I would prioritize the relationship and the wedding. Because you actually CAN go to Europe at another time, on your own or with your family. Europe isn't a ONE TIME ONLY offer. Sure, if they are offering to pay all costs you'd be able to afford more than you would on your own, but you are an adult now, not an 8 year old. You can save up money and pay your own way, if you ask me.
I will also remind you that weddings with good friends tend to rank PRETTY DARN HIGH on the list of priorities, and I would take offense if my boyfriend/girlfriend wouldn't prioritize it, knowing how much it means to me. Being in a relationship means you do not always share the same interests or have the same priorities, but when you love one another you will give his priorities your priority also. It's about respect.
I can tell you a story. I once had a boyfriend who I invited to meet my mother and step-father. He was unsure about it/nervous about meeting them, so he didn't want to. I felt bummed out, because they mean a lot to me and I wanted him to meet them, but I accepted that he didn't want it at the time. He prioritized himself, and didn't put much value to what mattered to me. Then my step-father died a few months later. And my then boyfriend NEVER got to meet him, because he hadn't taken the chance when I asked him earlier. And I could never let that go, I could never forgive that. It had mattered so much for me, and my boyfriend hadn't given it priority, and now it was too late. He would never get the chance to make it right again. It is something I could never let go of or forgive in my heart. And at the funeral, my boyfriend didn't even prioritize to spend the night with me, although he had at first said he would. He was going back home to hang out with his friends.
It things like that, that show you whether your partner is there for you, or if they are just with you because it suits them right then and there, but if it's at some point inconvenient they drop you.
If you value your relationship, and if you love your boyfriend, then it wouldn't be a question at all. You'd go to the wedding of his good friend and show him that what matters to him, also matters to you.
But, the fact that you're even asking this question, makes me think your heart isn't fully in this relationship. Do you want to be with your boyfriend? Is he the one for you? Or are you just with him as long as it's not inconvenient?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2017): I'd go to Europe (I live here, I'm biased!). Your bf should understand an offer for a once in a lifetime trip is going to outweigh one evening at a wedding...Alternatively you offer to pay for a separate flight over and join your parents a few days late so you can attend the wedding. But remember you aren't going to offend the wedding hosts by not being there as all that matters to them is the main people on the invites turn up, not the plus ones. I'd say to you bf that you are really grateful to be invited to the wedding but the trip to Europe is a once in a lifetime holiday that you would be gutted to miss. Suggest that it would be nice to meet his friends for dinner/drinks one day before or after the wedding. Show interest in his invite and remorse that you won't go but he should understand - it's a no-brainer really anyone would have an all expenses holiday!
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (7 March 2017):
 I would choose Europe if I were you. What a fabulous experience. I think everyone at the wedding would understand your choice.
There will be many other chances to attend similar functions with your boyfriend. You haven't been together that long so you aren't in a totally committed relationship yet in my opinion.
If you are worried he might cop off with someone else, well better to know now don't you think?
Wow - an all-in holiday in Europe with your parents. That is something to make memories with. Remember they won't be around for ever. Sorry to bring that up but make the most of them now. If you don't you might live to regret it.
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