A
female
age
36-40,
*ralend
writes:I am 23 years old and have been with my husband since I was 18. At the start of our relationship everything was great, sex was amazing we did it everyday. Now I feel like we are growing farther and farther apart. He recently changed jobs and our schedules are not the same anymore. We rarely see each other and when we do, we argue about money, spending time together and just anything that you can think of. I work in a restaurant and have contact with lots of people. Especially men. A guy that comes in about once a week, has shown intrest in me. He says things that make me feel good and we flirt. It hadnt gone past that then about two three weeks ago we flirt even more and i feel this attarction towards him and am seriously thinking about going for it. But i then think about what would happen to my husband and son. I dont want to hurt him, but again i am no longer happy. Everything with my husband has become a routine. And this guy really makes me feel special and desirable. What should i do, Should i go for it with this new guy or try to stick it out with my husband?
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female
reader, aralend +, writes (7 July 2011):
aralend is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter reading the responses, I started to think of everything and its not worth losing everything me and my husband have worked so hard for to lose it for a guy thats not worth it.We talked and I told him everything. At first I thought it was a mistake. But now I think it has actually helped. We seem to be doing more together and actually talking.. We are working on our marriage. Thanks to everyone who helped me sort out my thoughts and gave me advice.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011):
My wife has been having thoughts about being with a man who is better dressed, more hip, and seemingly more desirable than I am. It's obviously a big source of stress in our relationship as we deal with.
Today I was outside mowing the lawn in front of our house thinking about this and I was thinking that this other man doesn't own a house. He is probably off at the gym or something improving his physique.
I think that it's very easy for "the other man" (or other woman for that matter) to seem very exciting and desirable. He only sees you once per week. He tries to look and be his best when he does so. He possibly doesn't have the pressures of supporting a wife and child. He may have a lot more time and freedom to do seemingly exciting things. He may have more disposable income to dress better. He is always putting his best foot forward to impress you.
Be very careful about leaving a man you know and love well in favor of a man you meet once per week. How do you think the new guy will far when thrust into your husband's place? Think through this very carefully before processing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): OP you made a life long contract with your husband, you can't just bail every time things get bad. You made a promise to him and yourself to fight for this, so you have to do that.
OP even the best of relationships have bad points, bad times and hardships, it's how you deal with those times that defines you as a person. You really want to cheat with a guy who has no problem chatting up married women? You think you're special to this guy or that you're the only girl he does this with?
Sorry OP but no. Getting with another guy just because things aren't right at the moment in your marriage isn't the answer. Not only that but you will find like most cheaters do that the grass isn't always greener and a person who is willing to get with people who are already spoken for can't be trusted.
OP the solution to your problem lies in your husband, if you really want to be with another man then it's time for a divorce if you cheat not only will you regret it when you find out this other guy was only using you but you'll also lose everything as your husband will hold all the cards in any divorce.
Take a step back and think carefully here OP, this guy is just a sweet talker, a flirt. Do you really think he's going to be worth all the crazy hassle of leaving your husband, upsetting your childs life etc. On the chance you and this new guy might work? Seriously?
OP the only guy you have dated as an adult is your husband, anyone who has dated around your age will tell you that it's very hit and miss. The chances of this guy being a suitable partner in any kind of way are very slim.
You're lost in a fantasy OP and this guy excites you, but when the dust settles you'll have lost everything on the vain hope that this guy is better than your husband. Serious mistake. Get out the routine and start making your marriage exciting again. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Tell him it all and work this out. No job is worth ruining your marriage for. He is still that guy you married and fell in love with, you both just seem to have lost your way and gotten your priorities wrong. All the money in the world is not more important than your relationship, so either change schedules, change jobs or find some other way of injecting some life into your marriage again. I advise you strongly to book a vacation soon, just the two of you, at least a week. So you can both reconnect.
Your son deserves a mother that will do her best to keep his family together doesn't he? Yeah OP he does. Give t your best shot, try everything possible to get your marriage on track, but back off from this other guy, he's not what you think and he's not the answer to your problems.
Remember your first duty in this world is to your child now. Give it a try and if nothing changes or your husband won't meet you half way then reconsider your options.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 Remember when you decided to get married? You decided this was it. He was the one, through thick and thin.
This is thin. Stick to it. It will reward itself later on, just stick to your marriage. Your husband isn't some fling, or a random guy, or your boyfriend. He's your husband. It takes a heck lot more than some guy flirting with you to tear you away from the commitment of marriage.
Marriage can suck, sure. But you didn't marry because of everlasting romance and lovey dovey. You married for commitment, promise, partnership, supporting each other, sticking together, creating a good environment for a child to grow up.
A fling is a fling. Partnership, not to mention life long partnership, is different. It's not always happy happy joy joy, but it sure has it's benefits. Just say strong and stick to it, and you'll be happy about it when you see the good sides.
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A
female
reader, lorinda +, writes (13 June 2011):
This is just my opinion, and I'm sorry that you are probably not going to like it but....... you got married and made vows and commitments that weren't about staying together as long as things were going well.. It was about for better or worse, you know... and maybe if you can remember that (the both of you) you are in it for the long haul...to grow old together, to raise grand kids and so on, maybe you can forget about the instant gratification you are seeking. First of all you should talk to your husband...perhaps he is feeling the same way you are and just hasn't said anything either. Would it bother you if he had someone he was flirting around with? If you are truly no longer happy in your marriage, then get out of it, but I think you should do that first before deciding to hook up with someone else while you are still married. The hurt that causes is unimaginable, and after the fact, the damage is done but the pain remains. It doesn't sound to me like your Husband is a bad Husband , it just sounds like normal challenges that all marriages face. The Journey is about how you deal with what you are given. And what will you do if you go for it and it doesn't work out but your husband has found out and doesn't want you back? It's a whole different deal when you leave the relationship and realize you made a mistake but it's too late. A lot to think about, but certainly with a child involved I would suggest trying to work at your marriage rather than just bailing out. Not saying it will be easy...because it probably won't be, but you loved him enough to marry him...doesn't he at least deserve to know how you are feeling and be given a chance to see if the two of you can work it out? Reverse the situation and you would think that you deserved a chance. I believe if you cheat, you will regret it because you don't even know this other guy...or what he wants where you are concerned. Flirt if you must be leave it at that.
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