A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend of half a year about 3 months ago for the forth time. The first time I broke up with him was the worst night of my life and consisted of me at a party standing in the middle of a cirle of my boyfriend's close friends telling me that he had told them he had got with another girl whilst on holiday amoungst alot of other strange things he had boasted to them about.(He later said he was scared that he had got with another girl whilst drunk but cldnt remember, and had asked her and found out he hadnt.) Ever since then i have struggled to trust him fully and doubts have always been in the back of my head when with him. After a week of him being extreamly upset and sorry, I forgave him and we became a couple again. The next few times I broke up with him were all partially because of the first time and also because I just didnt feel happy with him. He has always loved me alot more than I love him as he liked me for a whole year before I went out with him. It feels like he has made this whole relationship with his persistance and determination and I have never really lusted him or been extremly enthusiastic in the same way he is. He is now desperate to go out again and when we meet up we still act like we were when we were a couple. I think this is because I am used to it with him, and he is very tactile and always trying to get a kiss.I dont know wheather I should go out with him again. I do think I love him but because he makes me feel secure as he is crazy about me and even talks about how nice it would be if we stayed together forever. He is a lovely person, yet he is arrogant in the presence of others and has a tendancy to lie very well. I know if we went back out i would feel happy as there will always be someone there to love me but is he what I want? We are complete opposites and i dont 'fancy' him or find him attractive. To make this more confusing I find his best friend very attractive and we get on very well, we laugh about it as 'creepy' how similar we are. Is it best to be opposites or similar? If i go back out with my ex i know i will have small doubts as to 'what if i didnt..would i have been happier? I cant keep him in this strange position of 'maybe' as it would be hurtful in the long run to us both.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (30 January 2009):
 Quite simply you need to move on. You have said that your ex loves you more than you love him and that you dont find him attractive. That is a clear sign to move on from that relationship. But stay away from his best friend - I know you like him but it is not fair on your ex. How would you feel if he went out with your best friend?You will only hurt your ex if you get back with him - its not fair to lead him on and pretend you have feelings for him when you dont. Opposites dont work in my opinion; you will always have more fun around people who have the same interests as you.I can understand that the security he offers is very attractive but that is not the basis for a long term relationship, you cannot be with someone just because they are the "safe option". Cut off all ties with your ex and give him space to move on, and thats what you need to do too. Just dont move on to another guy too quickly, you need time to get your head together and figure out what you want.Good luck!
A
male
reader, cdjudd  +, writes (30 January 2009):
I asked myself those questions 3 months ago with my ex. I think that, "opposites and similars" means nothing. The opposites and similars is non existant. If he lies then you have your first problem. Second, would be when he gets drunk and tends to forget what he has done or not done. That usually shows he has a drinking problem, if there's memory loss. It really doesn't sound like he's messing with. Those aren't some little problems you can get him to stop doing. Best of luck
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