A
female
age
41-50,
*oraatuha
writes:I have been lying to friends that i have a job, and that am doing well , when actually i dont have anything am doing...i am a graduate and however much i have tried to get a job, i seem to fail on every trial....however all my friends are working. this has been going on for about a year.Now i dont feel good about myself, because am living a terrible lie.what has snapped me out of my comfort zone is that a special friend has come from another continent to visit me , and i am now even fearing to see him. so i have decided to try and sort out my life, though i dont know where to start from...My dear friend is around for 3 weeks , and then he will be going back, for a year or two....Should i go ahead and see him, or i let him go, and try to sort out my life, and wait for him after two years? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): I get the impression you are worried about what your friends would think of you if they found out you do not have a job. Are you worried they will look down on you? Think less of you? Not like you? How do YOU feel about yourself? Do you feel bad because you are having difficulty in getting a job?
A lot of emphasis is placed on our jobs and careers. Society in general sees success as being about what job you do, how much money you earn, how successful you are, etc. But that should not be the most important thing. I can understand how difficult it must be for you, but just because you do not have a job, it does not make you any less of a worthwhile person. You are still a wonderful person with lots to offer. There is nothing to be ashamed about.
I think it might be time to be brave and tell your friends. I know you may worry about their reaction, but I think that by continuing to tell them things which aren't true, it will make you feel worse. So try telling them. Just tell them that you feel awkward and uncomfortable for saying it, but you are actually struggling to get a job. They may be surprised that you did not tell them, but if they are true friends I think they will be understanding of your situation, and will not judge you. It sounds like you have been trying very hard, and it is not your fault that things haven't fallen into place yet.
As for your other friend who is coming to visit, I think you should absolutely go ahead and see them. Don't let this get in the way of you enjoying time with your friend. Again, I am sure your friend would just love to see you and spend time with you, and will not make judgements about your situation.
As hard as it must be for you, try and believe that you are more than what job you do, or even whether you have a job at all. I hope things get better for you soon, and that you do find a job that suits you. But until then, don't think any less of yourself. Working or not working, you are just as good and valuable as anyone else.
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