A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi My husband has left almost three months now. We have a 14 year old daughter. I want so badly to have my family back. He says he doesnt love me anymore. I have found out he has slept several nights at another womens house that use to work with him he says its just someone to talk to. I want him back. I have tried begging. He just is so nasty to me now and our life was not that bad. He wont go to a counsler.We just built a house 2 years ago. He has stoped giving me money other than he is still paying the morgage. What should I do? do I give up or keep trying thanks
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female
reader, girly girl  +, writes (2 August 2009):
i feel so bad for you i know how much it hurts. stop begging stpo fighting and make yourself well have one good cry then get up join a gym or a dance class you need to take your mind off what hurts and meet new people.. iknow he is the father of your daughter and you love him but you need to show her you are strong even in your weakiest moment..hold your head and tell yourself your a beautiful women then just know if you love someone let them go if they come back they were yours to keep ..don't let your home be a revolving doot if he knows your a doormat he'll use it to his advantage be strong what does'nt break you only makes you stronger..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your inspirational thoughts. They are very helpful. I have read them several times. When I am feeling down and insecure I run to read these. I have asked him if we could talk on Sunday, His comment was I will consider it. I do usually ask him if there is something going on with this other women then he will say no not yet. I am going to not ask this if he does come to talk to me. I am just having a very hard time accepting that he wont even try to salvage our marriage. We have been together 18 years Married 15 on January 8. I will try to have a heart to heart and stay strong while I am talking with him.I used to be a very strong person now I feel lost and weak. thanks again
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008): thank you all for your inspirational thoughts. They are very helpful. I have read them several times. When I am feeling down and insecure I run to read these. I have asked him if we could talk on Sunday, His comment was I will consider it. I do usually ask him if there is something going on with this other women then he will say no not yet. I am going to not ask this if he does come to talk to me. I am just having a very hard time accepting that he wont even try to salvage our marriage. We have been together 18 years Married 15 on January 8. I will try to have a heart to heart and stay strong while I am talking with him.I used to be a very strong person now I feel lost and weak. thanks again
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): Sad to hear this. Unfortunately judging by what your saying I believe he was maybe having a relationship with this woman and thus cheating on you while married, and left you for her, and is now lying to you so you don't feel bad about it.
I say you're better off without him.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (27 November 2008):
 Hi, The hard thing to realize is that the person you are married to, does not always express how they feel while they are feeling it. This leaving you was not something that happened overnight, he was leaving over a good long time. He just made the decision to separate form you physically, he was aready mentaly gone. So here we are, talking to him will not do it, because he has hardened his heart. The dialogue had to have taken place some time ago to make a difference. Please stop begging him, because he will only build contempt for you, if he came back because you begged him, he would probably only do it because he felt sorry for you, and you don't want that. You would then have to jump through hoops just to keep him there, and there would probably be other women on the outside who he would go to, for whatever it is he feels he is missing. If it were me, as the other Aunts have memtioned, I would be sure to have him take care of his daughter, lawfully would probably be best. so you don't have to worry about chasing him down. There are other men who will probably treat you decently, and you won't have to chase them. Cry if you must, moan and groan as well, but them pick yourself up, discover for yourself that you can and will make it without him.Write down all his faults and the things you did not like about him, that you endured because you loved him, and get over him, he is not a God, you only thinlk that because you see in him what you feel are his good traits. He is a man, and men have their druthers, let him go, and find yourself a place of survival. Go to this website: www.socyberty.com/writers/quiet+voice.8137. Look for the title: Letting Go: Stop Chasing Ghosts. Read this and hopefully it will help you to understand, that we sometimes want people to be what they cannot be, because of who they really are, and we have to realize that we are deluding ourselves into thinking we will be able to change them.
Life is to be lived, and it is short. Find a good male friend, when you are able to seek your own destiny, and be as happy as you can be. Don't waste your precious time trying to convince a person, that you are good and should be loved, when he has made up his mind that he wants to do smoething else, even if he doesn't know what that is. Turn him aloose and let him go his way, it's not worth it. Take care. Stay in touch.
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A
female
reader, heartbreakingmom +, writes (27 November 2008):
I'm so sorry this has happen to you I was in the same boat a year ago . I hear your pain but I have learned through this is.
1.Take care if your self get your self esteem back. Guys love a women with convindence .
2.Take care of your daughter. And I know its hard but she and her dad need a relionship or when she starts to date she will be looking for a father figure
3. The best revege is looking good and feeling great you don't need him to make your family you have one your daughter friends. And your family I know its hard to see it now but it will get better
4. Relionships that began with a affair rarely last show him you don't need him guys always want what they can't have make him regret his decision
YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL AND DESIRED WOMAN AND YOU DONT NEED A MAN TO MAKE YOU HAPPY YOU HAVE A GREAT LIFE A BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER WRITE DOWN 5 THINGS THAT ARE GOOD IN YOUR LIFE FOR EXAMPLE[1] YOR DAUGHTER[2] YOUR HEALTH WRITE THESE DOWN. On a piece of paper AND LOOK AT THEM EVERY MORNING AND BEBORE BED IT WILL GET BETTER TRUST ME YOU ARE NOT ALONE IF YOU WANT TO TALK EMAIL ME BEST OF LUCK
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (27 November 2008):
 I'ts the age old thing isnt it, the grass is always greener. Maybe you got in a rut while you were married to him. If he's talking to you nasitly he's obviously on the defense. I personally would let him go, he's obviously been looking elsewhere, but if you honestly can't and feel there's still a glimmer of hope why don't you have a heart to heart with him and tell him how you feel and if he's still not interested get on with your life. If he's gone with another woman once there is a good chance he will do it again. hope this helps
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A
female
reader, leni  +, writes (27 November 2008):
im so sorry to hear your trouble, but for your own self esteem and respect maybe it would be best to try and start again on your own. it is awful that your husband has slept with other women and that you have had to beg him to take you back. it seems that he has made his decision. you can make a life for you and your daughter,as she is 14 she isnt a baby and so she will be independent in a few years. make sure you get child support from your husband,through court if necessary. im sure you are strong and will be able to do this if you have to. best wishes x
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (27 November 2008):
 I've found one of the hardest things in all of the world is to get a man to talk to you and say what is in hie heart and mind.
Wish there was a magic answer how to achieve this. I guess the best place to start is to say how much you love him and you would like to understand what is making him so unhappy and what have you done that has pushed him away.
The begging doesn't work. I have heard that you need to speak from your heart. I hope things work out for you!
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