A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel as though I'm burnt out and tired of dating. In the past year, I've met four guys, the first was an uncaring narcissist already involved with someone (he did not tell me about it for a long time, then I thought I could wait for him until he broke up, then I distanced myself alltogether), the second who told me on our first and only date that he was only in it for the sex (I wasn't interested, so we ended it there), the third who seemed like a perfectly nice, caring guy who backtracked for his own paranoid reasons after he himself made several moves on me, the fourth is a more navigated guy who I've been on a couple dates with but will probably never call me again (I sense he's losing interest quickly). I'm tired of this. I can't seem to find somebody who's reliable, affectionate, caring and who likes me, whom I like back. I don't have impossibly high standards, he doesn't have to be filthy rich or powerful or model attractive, he doesn't have to be perfect, I'm willing to work on relationships and don't expect to have everything laid out for me. I know I'm a young, reasonably attractive woman who's about to graduate, I'm funny, witty and CAN be charming, so I'm not the worst choice out there for a guy, but still I can't seem to find someone right for me (not Mr Right, Mr Right for me for the time being). I look around and I wonder how most/all my friends and acquaintances have gotten themselves a partner -maybe an unfulfilling one, sure-, whilst I am constantly stuck in the dating twilight. I'm tired of the mindgames people play while dating, of the lack of honesty there is (I tend to be honest and am not the type to mess with people's head) and I'm on the verge of giving up on dating alltogether. I feel so discouraged because I date to find potential partners for a long term relationship (not marriage), whilst everyone else just seems in this to either get easy sex or some mindless fun. (I'm not against having fun, of course, but with the option of building something stable together in mind too). Is there something wrong with me? Am I supposed to start playing games like the others? Should I just give up and accept it's impossible for me to find someone who loves me that I will love?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): Thanks everyone for the replies. I'm grateful. Thay- Mostly at my University. I was friends with two of them for a couple months before feelings started to develop- I see your point, but if I'm interested in a guy that way, I usually get it pretty quickly and then the 'friendship' isn't really a friendship anymore... It's just the way I am. You do make a good point though, and I will try and keep it in mind (and the dating games are surely idiotic).I do have hobbies, but they aren't really...social ones. I like reading, make up and fashion, movies, baking. Usually, with most of these guys, I do find ground -other than academic one- to relate to them. Though taking up something new may be interesting. Maybe writing. Take care yourself. :)Oldbag:I want to take a small break, I plan on doing so, but I am now more free than usual -I'll start studying again in the fall-, so I wanted to use these summer months during which I don't have anything to do- which hasn't happened in years-, to 'put myself out there' more. I thought by doing this I'd be able to meet more people and thus even guys, but yeah...it's not working out so well, clearly. I know I should enjoy my single life and I usually do as you say, I have done so for the past three years (my last relationship ended then, I broke up with him), but in the past few months being single has stopped being enjoyable and started becoming a weight. I know I shouldn't feel this way, I do, and I really wish I could go back to the days when I didn't mind it at all, but lately -all this past year- it's been wearing me down and I really miss the feelings you experience when you're in a loving relationship. Maybe this makes me weak, but it's the truth.I hope you're right, thank you for your wishes. BondGirl72:Thank you and I'm glad someone feels my pain- although I'd prefer you did not, of course. I know I'm young, but I also know that, as I said above, I've been alone for enough time that finding someone is important as of right now to me. Two years ago, even a year ago, I'd have laughed if I had known I'd have felt like this, yet here I am. I'm a little ashamed of myself for this, but it is what it is. Dating sure is a lot work- some people make it so much more complicated than it has to be by manipulating, playing mind games, being dishonest etc. Serpico:Oh, but I do think at least two of the guys I dated are funny, witty, charming etc myself! I wouldn't have even attempted to date them otherwise. :) The issue is that there were other characteristics of theirs that made things hard on the other side. And probably two of them have some things to say about me that are flaws -in their opinion. Yes, I'm not saying I'm perfect and everyone else sucks either, of course not. It probably does boil down to compatibility, in some form or the other.
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (19 June 2012):
Im just guessing, but if I had to put money down I would say at least one of these four guys you dated thinks they are also "funny, witty, reasonably attractive, etc," and dont have many good things to say about you. Thats not a put down, just a fact that many people are simply not compatible.
You have a choice - either keep looking for someone who you are compatible with, or throw your hands up and be alone.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (19 June 2012):
 Ugh, I know exactly what you mean. Maybe you should take a break from it. I think you sound very well-grounded and reasonable, but give yourself some time. You are young and have a long life ahead of you. I wouldn't worry about finding someone right this minute. Go out and do things you enjoy...you may end up finding someone with your values that way. There is nothing wrong with you, but dating can be a lot of work. At least you know what you want and do not go around experimenting with people and their lives like a lot of people do. You will find someone, in time.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 Hi
Don't give up, just take a break from dating, few months or a year or so.Focus on the rest of your life,enjoy being single,go on holiday,go to a festival, whatever, just have some single time. Get to know yourself and as you already know which men are losers you will find somebody great one day. In the meantime just forget men.
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