A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have no idea what to do with myself. We live in different countries in Europe. When we first met nearly 6 years ago, he promised me [m24] he would be there with me after we finished university/college.At one point I just wanted to dump it all and just get together and make it work. I was failing high school and he was failing his first year of university, doing a course he only chose because his sister did something similar, so not even his dream career or anything. Yet he persevered and aimed to finish school. It made me feel hurt that he choose this grim looking situation over us, but I understood and went with it.About 4 years into the relationship, he was on his 2nd year of uni, having failed the first year, I broke up with him, unsatisfied with only getting to see him 4 times a year max. This break lasted for a year, I have gone for some months not talking to him, but in general we still kept in contact.Eventually he surprise visited me and we decided to keep this going. He has failed his 3rd year and had spent another year retaking it. He has finally graduated in november. I thought this was it, but he now wants to get at least a 6 month experience in his home country, saying there is no jobs in my country without even bothering as much as do check the jobs offers here.He still didn't get to start this 6 month experience. I am about to finish my uni/college in April. I don't think this will get anywhere seeing the pace he is going at until the end of this year. I told him to either break up or for him to finally make this move. He tries to be rational with me, but i cannot take anything for an excuse. If you truly love someone, and want to be with them nothing would stop you, and you definitely wouldn't be deliberately be prolonging the process either! I really cannot stay motivated to continue being patient and loyal to his shady promises. The options now are him either moving to me or us breaking up as I cannot be crying and feeling miserable on daily basis, being his 2nd priority. He says many negative comments about moving, like how he would regret ending up working in a supermarket, and he really wants his home country experience for comfort and safety reasons. I feel that if i "bully" him by crying and begging he would bend and move in with me. He wouldn't do it for me, but because he wants to have me and wants this relationship. He is in love with love, rather than me, if that makes sense.We communicate really well, we spend each night on the phone, we play online games to have something to share, and we have discussed this many times before too. I really love him, but I feel he isn't mature enough to want to be with me. Or am I expecting too much?tl;dr My bf loves me and I love him back but I have no strength to continue my 5 year long distance relationship "close" to us getting together. The problem is, he doesn't really want to move. Should I give it up?
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (29 January 2013):
 Hi
I don't think he is being immature,he is being realistic, the jobs over here are few and he's right to stay where he is and develop his career.There are many graduates already living here working in jobs they hate because there is nothing else.
If your not prepared to move to be with him either and have had enough of the LDR then it's reached a dead end.
Your not happy and neither of you want to make the move,after 5yrs it should be where your at.Its all very well being online or on the phone but that's not the same as spending time together and 4 times a year is not quality time.
You should finish it and then stop all contact,block him,delete his number,cut him right out of your life,make it clear you see no future and want no more LDR and as neither of you will move,thats what it will be indefinately.
Focus on finishing uni and your own future,keep away from the PC and get out and about with friends.
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