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My boyfriend doesn't talk to me and threatens to leave me if I don't stop nagging him!

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 January 2013) 7 Answers - (Newest, 28 January 2013)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi

My bf of 3 years always ignores me, he doesn't even talk for 10 minutes with me but has time for his friends and for watching TV and playing games. Whenever I ask he says I'm nagging him and if this continues he is gonna leave me.

He doesn't even care if I stop talking to him even for 2 days straight. Please help me

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013):

If you have a history of always nagging him then you are causing him to not want to be around you anymore.

If he finds it highly unpleasant to be around you or to talk to you, then of course he will not want to do either, that's common sense. he hasn't left you yet which means he's still giving you a chance to change your annoying habit. When he tells you that you nag too much and if you keep it up he will leave, he is giving you valuable information. if you want to keep him, then pay attention to this information.

he's merely tuning you out now in an effort to make things more tolerable for himself.

You pushed him to do this. You should stop nagging so much, it really is a killer of relationships because it's basically you heaping non-stop negativity onto him, which is very toxic over the long run. relationships are supposed to be positive things in someone's life, not negative. so if a relationship starts to become a negative to someone, of course they will want to leave.

If he doesn't even care if you don't talk to him for 2 days, that could be a sign of just how worn down he is from your nagging that to him 2 days of silence is a welcome relief.

so from now on, stop nagging. Every time you feel the urge to nag, just keep quiet or find something more positive to say, or find a more polite and respectful way to say it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013):

I just wanted to say that this happened with me and my boyfriend a few months back. I did pretty much what YouWish suggested and it gave him a serious shock! Things have been so much better since then...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013):

Don't make this so easy for him.

Stop calling, stop texting, stop everything. He knows where you are and if he is really still into you, he will do what he is supposed to do. If he doesn't, it's time to move on...easier said then done after three years, I understand that, but he's not putting you first and he's taking you for granted.

Men only know two things...pain and consequences. Don't play games, but you need to go and do your own thing...go out with your girlfriends, take up a hobby, do other things and not wait around for him. If he is meant to be he will get the picture and realize what he's missing and what he's doing wrong. If not, again, this is not the guy for you, move on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013):

You need to ask yourself if you really deserve to be treated like this and whether your prepared to stay with someone who is going to continue to treat you this way. And if the answer is no then you need to leave him and although it mifht be hard at first it will get easier and your be alot happier for it.

Best of luck.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (28 January 2013):

YouWish agony auntI think he's either fallen out of love with you OR he might just be taking you for granted. Some relationships simply have an expiration date. Is he still trying to have sex with you?? Do you live together? Doesn't sound like it if you're not talking to him for 2 days at a time.

Time for the test here.

Here's what you do:

Stop all communication with him for 3 weeks. Don't call him, or text him, or go to his house, or anything. If he calls you or texts you, sound friendly enough, but make the conversation short. You be the one to hang up the phone. If he makes a plan to see you, tell him you have something you need to do. In fact, better yet, *HAVE* something to do. Become really busy and pretty unavailable.

If he's still in love with you, yet he just got in a rut and is taking you for granted, he'll start feeling your absence really quickly, and this guy who was accusing you of nagging him will suddenly find that all he wants to do is be with you. Nagging him about spending time with you has the opposite affect. Being not available to spend time with HIM all of a sudden will alarm a guy as to what you've been up to.

However, if he's fallen out of love, he'll hardly notice that you're gone or act like nothing's changed. If after 3 weeks have passed and he's still acting annoyed to pay attention to you, then end the relationship, because it's dead in the water.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (28 January 2013):

chigirl agony auntHelp you with what? Realizing that this isn't what makes you happy? Give you a kick in the butt to get out of this relationship?

Your man isn't going to suddenly wake up one morning and have a different personality. If you want a man who talks to you, is sweet to you, cares about you and puts a smile on your face.. well then you gotta pack your bags and leave this grumpy man who keeps ignoring you and who doesn't care if you talk to him for 2 days... What else can I say?

YOU are responsible for your happiness in life. If this man doesn't make you happy it is YOUR responsibility to LEAVE. That is your only option if you want happiness. Because I promise you, sitting with this guy, not speaking a word, wont magically make him mr. perfect. He is who he is, and you need to take it or leave it. People don't change.

If you are not happy, you LEAVE. There are better men out there.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (28 January 2013):

Nagging can be extremely annoying and cause the reaction you're getting from him.

What you need to do is work on HOW you talk to him.

Don't complain, just ask for what you want.

I know you probably don't want to hear this, but it sounds like nagging isn't the real issue here. It's more likely that your relationship has run its course and that you won't be able to be happy until you move on.

Just be thankful that you realized this before marriage and kids.

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