A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, i would love to hear opinions from you all. Suppose, all the girls(3 or 4 girls) i fell in love in different stage of my life pretended to love me, when they actually used me to get their ego boost, and hurt me, and finally push me away? That's how it feels . And after struggling hard,facing all the pain with a broken heart, i have come out alive, I have cracked a very tough (the toughest) exam in my country and I have become successful in life. I have attained a good position in my work. What if I later see those girls who hurt and left me when i needed them the most? What if they ever appear again in my life, all of them? I did love them, i think i still some feelings for them. But when i remember how they made me feel in those days, i feel upset. Should i give each of them a chance? Please give me your valuable opinions. Love u all and thank you.
View related questions:
fell in love Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u so much dear WiseowLE, your words make me rethink and look inside me. I realize it now. Though i wanted to believe that i was over, and that i moved on, but deep down inside, it seems that part of me still longs for their approval, and wanted to show them that they didn't defeat me completely, and that i am not a bad choice as they assumed in the past. Subconciously, i must still be upset with them. Part of me is still living in the past. I think i need a good talk with myself, to let go of the past, and forgive myself and whoever involved in my past. Thank you once again for letting me know what i was longing subconciously.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2015): You are better off to forgive and to forget them. They taught you something about life and love; and that was their purpose, and the only reason you crossed paths at the time. We should only look back on the past, for the benefit of experience and lessons learned.
Those who look back on the past for vengeance, regret, or to seek validation from those who scorned them; are wasting valuable time. They are seeking approval and acceptance from people who did not value you then; and may value you even less now.
It's only natural that we want to go back and show them how we've progressed, and how strong we are at the present. That isn't necessary.
It's a small world. Allow time and fate to set the course; should there be any reason your paths should ever cross again. You haven't moved entirely forward; if you dwell on what happened to you when any of those girls were in your life. Why should you revisit mean people who didn't value you when it mattered? Now it doesn't. There are plenty of new friends yet to be made in your journey forward.
You owe those women nothing. You only want to show-off for their sake, and to prove how much they didn't hurt you. The only second chance you'll give them, is just another opportunity to open old wounds. You can't make everybody like you. Even Jesus was nailed to a cross trying.
If by "chance" they happen to step into your world, be cordial and confident. Exchange brief pleasantries and be on your way. People who mean you no good seldom change. If given another chance, they will undo what progress you have made, or just pickup where they left-off. Memory also has a negative-side. The wrong moves can trigger sensitive areas in your emotions that, although dormant, still require more time to heal. You'll have flashbacks. They'll also realize they may still have a little power over you. You'll never now if they're genuinely being nice; or just looking for another opportunity to hurt you.
If you secretly wish you could make them jealous; maybe that's a side-effect from the pain they've caused you. That is also partially the reason you claim to want to give them another chance. Maybe you don't realize this; but I hope my advice will give you pause to think about it.
You still have work to do, if you haven't gotten over them entirely. Subconsciously, you may still hold a grudge, or might be feeling post traumatic stress leftover from a bad time in your life. You feel you need to show them they haven't defeated you. Again, that's totally unnecessary. Most of your progress was made in their "absence." Consider the logic behind that. I got dumped by someone that meant a lot to me. His gift to me was awakening a dormant and unfulfilled heart. Now he's gone and I haven't looked back since. Life has only gotten better. I have no reason to look back or to see him; if our paths should never cross again.
If you wait a little longer, they will fade into the farthest recesses of your memory. Seeing them merely by coincidence, will be like seeing any other familiar face in the past. There will be neither a negative nor positive response. It will be as simple as greeting an old neighbor.
I know exactly where you're driving at, and I also know from wisdom that people don't entirely get-over the treachery done them by past lovers and exes. They carry a little stinger left in their heart that always reminds them of the pain they once caused. The remedy to this is, to stay in the place where hard work, perseverance, and optimism has brought you. You are now blessed, and that's all that matters.
You would only offer them another chance to figure-out a better way to use or abuse you; because the hidden message in your post is to see if they will validate the "new and improved you." Or, you can show them what they've lost. Trust me, it's more important to you; than it would be to them.
Don't look back, avoid digression. You progressed and blossomed into an awesome young woman. You were brought to this point by fate and destiny; which means you have been prepared all this time for someone, and opportunities, that are better. When you meet her, it will be incredible.
Go forward and feel blessed. Let those who have done you wrong stay in the past. Prepare and look forward to your future. There is someone special that you've been preparing for. Allow THAT person into your life; before you invite old pain, to undo all the improvements you've made up to now. Look ahead!
Good luck to you, dear lady!
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (18 January 2015):
You don't explain what happened, but I'm just going to assume it's incompatibility that ended your relationship, not evil, heartbreaking women.
When a relationship ends before you're ready for it to end it hurts. But it doesn't make the women bad, and it doesn't make you less either.
A lot of people tend to question their value and ask "what's wrong with me?" When they ate dumped. But it's seriously about incompatibility, so don't get offended.
Regarding the other women: running into them and having them want you back seems more like a fantasy than a reality to me. But if it happens you should not date them. That would indicate they were only interested in money.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA 1000 thanks for your valuable opinion. your words are very helpful.
...............................
A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (18 January 2015):
Are you actually even thinking about that? Or do you want to give those girls a try just so they can now see how successful you are and what they are missing out on. Maybe give yourself an ego boost?
Let it all go. If everything is now good in your life, look forward. Don't look back. Since you are out of it, you shouldn't be out there thinking about your past. It's all gone n done and you have come out successful. Make a better life.
I agree with Abella. Find a nice girl and treat her as you wanted to once be treated. And find someone who would love you back the same way.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (18 January 2015):
 None of those girls from the past are worthy of you. They failed to see the real you. You have been ambitious enough to sit for a seriously gruelling exam. You passed with flying colours. You now have a responsible good job.
I expect that you are ambitious and well organized and capable.
Some of those girls from the past may already be in new relationships or they may still be making the lives of other guys a nightmare. Or maybe some of them have matured and have stopped being shallow.
Some may even have you or a different guy who they still think about. Some of them may have grown in maturity and no longer waste their time being shallow and mean.
You are now employed and probably respected by your peers.
You are more mature and hopefully building more confidence in you and your abilities.
Widen your search for a nice girl.
You have much to offer a nice girl.
Try not to let a crush develop too quickly.
Take things slowly. Observe the girl for how she behaves with her friends and how she conducts herself before you even approach her.
Look for a girl who pleases you visually (of course) but also ensure that she has a kind nature and is respectful towards you, consistently, before you ask her out on a date.
Hope that you find the girl of your dreams this time
...............................
|
