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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: O.k. Where to start? I have been married for 15 years and I know I want separation, but unsure if I want a Divorce. We have done the marriage counseling for the first time in January after my final ultimatum he finally agreed to go. Always refused to go in the past. My final decision for wanting the separation was the last few events which I will explain and it demonstrates the type of relationship that I have. This was a course of 2 weeks.1) Went out with another couple, asked my husbands co worker who was by himself at the bar to come join us. I did ask my husband to ask him to come over but he said that he probably wanted to be there by himself. I thought that he didn't want to intrude on our double date, so I went by myself and asked him. Later he accused me of flirting with him! "How ridiculous you looked flirting with him!"2) The counselor said that I was depressed and probably needed an anti-depressent if I didn't snap out of it. His support??? "What are you going to be aProzac zombie, now??" while yelling of course, "You're going to walk around like a zombie!!"3) My kids and him did a sleepover. Didn't want to go because i thought it was a father and sons thing opportunity. Well, did it piss him off that i was off that day. "What are you going to do all by yourself in the house?" "where are you going to go?" I decided to go to a friends house and came back home about 11:00p.m. Well now it was "What are you going to be there all night??!!" Just the usual 3rd degree questions.4) Met up with High School friends that I recently met up with via internet. At this time, he knew that i was not happy. "So, now you are free, right??" "Now you can go suck an old friend's dick, right?!" Everytime(few and far in between) I meet up with friends, it is the same story, just different arguement. There is always some kind of fight.5) The final straw: I took my wedding bands off. He realized that i did it. So he took an old ring that was a gift(never had a chance to pawn it yet and forgot about it) and tried to force it on the ring on my wedding finger for two hours..had bruises on my arms from resisting him to do it. "It's so pretty and shiny, I want to see it on your finger!!!"He did go to anger mgt. 3 years ago and quit, thought that it didn't do anything. After my calling it quits, he has an appt with a aggressive counselor. We have 3 kids all young.I am afraid of giving him another chance, what if he goes back to the way he is? Then I wasted more of my time on this marriage. I knew when I walked in to this marriage that he was like this, but he said he was like that because his ex-girl of 4 years cheated on him. I thought that it would change..after he realized that i wouldn't. And to no surprise to me now, it hasn't.I opened up a checking account for the first time in my name only. It felt good. I felt I had a little bit of control in my life.My family is mad at me for this separation and don't want to help me at all. I haven't told the kids yet, will this Sunday together that we are separating.
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co-worker, depressed, divorce, flirt, his ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Who  +, writes (17 April 2009):
 “Should I give the one-millionth and one chance” I believe the chance is zero.Abusive, accusing, can’t control his anger? You have to split. It is going to be hard for a while, on you and your kids, but you can pull out of that. If you stay with him, it can only get worse. As you said:“I opened up a checking account for the first time in my name only. It felt good. I felt I had a little bit of control in my life.” That’s your long-term outlook without him.Best of luck.
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