A
female
age
36-40,
*milly
writes:i have a problem with the father of my kid.we been together for 4 years now but he says he loves me but the problem is he doesn call or sms me,he only cals wen i sms him first or give a miscal.we don't stay together,this is actualy a distance relationship but when i go to his place he treat like a queen but when im far he doesn cal or sms.when i tell him that i miss him or say i love him,all he says is that stop lying to me.i truely love him and wana be with him but now im confused wether he stil loves me or he just doesn't want to tell me that he is dating someone else.for the whole last week i didn't sms or miscal and so he also didn't sms or call. pls help me,very much confused!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (17 April 2009):
 At the end of the day men and women will always think differently and what we as women need and the needs of a man we will NEVER see eye to eye.
I just think it is worth a shot, what have you got to lose. The other post from the anonymous male may have a point and I totally take that on board. However, when you have a child together, you have a responsibility and even if he was sending you a message or ringing you once a week to see how your child is that would be something, I am not saying he has to be totally full on but just needs to think sometimes that's all.
BFN
Country Woman
A
female
reader, emilly +, writes (17 April 2009):
emilly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks to those who helped me even for me its hard to loss contact with him for a while but i think this is gonna be a nice try.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): I dont agree with the poster underneath. I am the same as your man i dont call or sms unless my long distance girl contacts first. Not because i am not thinking of her but because when i do call or sms first it hurts so much to talk to her and realise she is so far away id rather just not think about it and go about my daily activitys and look forward to our next meeting with eachother. Its very hard to explain We miss them so much it hurts so we would rather not keep up the emotional phone calls and such in between visits, if that makes sence!
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (16 April 2009):
Unfortunately sweetheart it is like the old saying 'out of sight out of mind'. This man is not putting any effort in and only shows love, care and attention when you are with him as he knows that he is possibly going to get the attention when you are there right next to him.
There could be someone else on the scene and when he is alone during the week he can be a single man again and go out with who and when he wants, unless there is any request for you to live with him and also have your child together as a true family, then I am afraid I cannot see the relationship going any further to any sort of committment.
Make yourself unavailable on weekends in future and if he wants to see his child then make him do the travelling and leave him alone with your child, go out somewhere, go to friends or family and let him be the responsible one for a change.
Start making yourself a life for you and your child which doesn't include him in the decisions. You have to make yourself strong and not as reliant on him, he may think twice about the fact that you are getting on with your life and don't need him anymore and also if there was any suggestion of you being with another man he may think twice, tread gently though as some men can become extremely jealous but at least you would see if he gets that way or not, even if you mention a guy's name and see what his reaction is.
Stop all contact and leave it and see how long it takes for him to contact you, a week isn't very long and if he knows your routine i.e. you see him only on weekends etc then change the routine.
Let him do the running not you all the time. It may feel like hell not hearing from him but you honestly need to think a lot more of yourself and value yourself. Stand strong and independent and he may find a new respect for you as if he thinks he is no longer needed he may change his outlook, there are no guarantees but you need someone to be there for you.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
x
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