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female
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anonymous
writes: Is he worth it ?Four days before Christmas my bf of 2 years decided he wanted to spend Xmas at a skiing resortand said he would go with or without me after we had planned on spending Christmas at home! I would have gone however found it unfair that he gave me this ultimatum!I got mad and hung up on him and told me he is totally out of line to do this and this ought to have been a joint decision; ignored his calls for ten days; then texted him to tell him to leave me alone and it was totally out of order to do what he did ; he keeps texting and leaving messages; saying he misses me; loves me to death and wants to get back together ; even proposed marriage; should I give him another chance? I found his behaviour selfish and unreasonable; is he worth it ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (8 January 2006):
 His behaviour WAS selfish and unreasonable, so the question you need to ask yourself before you decide whether to give the relationship another chance is, "Why did he do this?"
Did he offer to tell you why, when you'd already make plans to be together for Xmas, he suddenly decided he had to go skiing? Was he concerned, for example, about spending a holiday with your family? Does he have bad associations with Christmas (many people dislike it)? Did he give you any clues beforehand that this was going to happen? Has he promised not to leave you hanging next time?
I think you do need to relent and talk to him (provided you care about the relationship still), and find out what his reason(s) were for leaving you in the lurch this way.
Do your best to remain calm and don't allow the discussion to collapse into an argument. The point is to find out what was going on in his mind -- a fact-finding mission! -- so that you can decide what you do next.
When he's explained why he did this, I suggest you withdraw and give yourself a day or two to think about his reasons, and whether this is likely to be a recurrent theme in future. That's the way to make a thoughtful decision about whether you forgive him for a single misjudgement, or ditch him for being a selfish loser.
P.S. However thrilling it might be to have him propose marriage to get you back, do NOT agree to get married right now. You need to work out whether you can even stand his behaviour for another year (next Christmas), and you don't want to saddle yourself with him for Life, if he's an idiot.
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