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female
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anonymous
writes: Okay where do I start?? I met this guy through a friend 2 years ago. When I met him, I could tell he was really attracted to me. He was SO nice to me that it was too obvious that he liked me so that was sort of a turn off for me so I acted like I wasn't into him, and I really WASN'T. I didn't find him attractive AT ALL. I don't want to sound mean or anything but I actually thought he was ugly. Another reason why I wasn't into him was because I was in the middle of a break up trying to get my ex of four years back. Things didn't go well and we ended up never getting back together and we stopped talking completely. This guy realised I was not into him so he started acting like sort of a jerk to me, and THAT'S what got me to like him for some reason. As soon as he started acting uninterested I started having a crush on him. Soon after I started giving him signals and we started hanging out. The first time he asked me to go to the movies, and then we started hanging out every day after then. We started hooking up an having sex within days. Then I told him that I didn't like having sex with him and all and not being officially together. He said he liked what we had and kind of seemed like he was having a hard time committing to me, so I told him that if he didn't want to commit to me I was gonna be with other guys. I wasn't really going to be with other guys, i'm not a slut, but I just said that to make him respect me and make a decision. So he decided to commit. After that I always wondered why he didn't want to commit to me in the beginning. It kind of lowered my self esteem because I thought that the reason he had trouble committing to me was because he didn't think I was good enough for him. Until this day it bothers me when I think about that. Anyways, things went great after he decided to commit to me. We were having sex up to 4 times a day and it was the best sex I've ever had and he said it was the same for him. I had sex with 6 different guys before him before I met him. We were in love, we told each other we were gonna be together forever and that we loved each other. After about 8 months into the relationship, he stopped wanting to have sex with me completely. This went on for about 4 months. He didn't even want to make out with me anymore. He was still very affectionate and said I love you all the time and was wonderful to me, but I felt so undesireble and confused because he stopped wanting to have sex that I was threating him to leave if he didn't change. I got tired one day that I left him. I thought to myself that if he really loved me he would stop me from leaving him and ask me to talk about our problems and make things work but instead he didn't seem to take my breaking up with him seriously. He was laughing!!!. I was hurt that he didn't even ask to work things out when I was getting my stuff out of his house that I had some guy in mind who really seemed to like me. I started hanging out with him and I gave him a little kiss two days after the break up. Of course I felt guilty, but part of me was trying to move on. I was still thinking about my ex. I called him two days after the break up. He was crying. I was too. I told him about the kiss and he was upset but didn't flip out the way I would if he did the same to me. He just didn't care as much as I wished or thought he would after almost a year of us being together. Anyways, this new guy turned out to be a liar and a cheater because even thougth he asked me to be his girlfriend he was still seeing his ex because she walked into his house when I was there and made a scene. Thank god she did because I had no idea he was still seeing her. He told me he wasn't. I started thinking about my ex and I missed him way too much I started begging him to take me back. One night I called my friend who works with him at a bank and she told me my he had been telling her we were broken up for the past two weeks when we were actually not. He never told me anything so i was so hurt to hear this. I confronted him about it and of course he denied it and said there was probably a misunderstanding. I still feel hurt to this day when I think about it.I was miserable with his cold behaviour so we started fighting very often. And by the way the sex situation did not get any better when we got back together. So I threatened to leave again and he seemed not to care as much as I wanted him to so we broke up. I was DEVASTATED. I cried hard and long for days. I could barely fucntion. I ended up at a hospital where I met this guy and we dated for about two weeks only. We didn't work out because I was not happy with him because I kept comparing him to my ex. My ex was still calling me. I told him to stop calling me because ever time he called me he just wanted to talk about nothing. Of course I wanted to get back together but he never mentioned anything about getting back together eery time we talked so I told him we couldn't talk anymore because I was never going to be able to move on, but he still called me at least once a month or texted me. Sometimes I would be real mean to him so that he would stop cintacting me, and sometimes I would just ignore the call. After 6 months I stated talking to him nicely again and we started hanging out. He teared every time I talked about our happy moments. I would get mad at him for not wanting to commit so he I would stop talking to him for a month or so and then he would call again and would get my hopes up and I would go see him and we would hook up. I never let him have sex with me thought. So after 5 months of me suffering and not dating other guys hoing he would decide to commit, I told him that there was a guy who asked me to be his girlfriend and that I needed to give him an answer the following day and that if he REALLY didn't want to date and see where things go, that was gonna say yes to the guy. I just made that whole thing up but he ended up saying yes to dating. The first date we kissed and I slept over and he wanted to have sex. I told him I couldn't have sex with him until he made a decision to commit so he decided to commit. Now it's been about a week. I moved to my mom's house a couple months after the break up last year so we're an hour and a hlf away now.I'm the one driving to his house every time becaus ehe can't sleep over my house. Now, i'm miserable in this relationship. He's just as cold as he was in the past of not colder. Every time I tell him I love him he would just say "I don't want us to get attached so quickly and then go through ahorrible break up again". I don't know if this is bull but i'm just getting this feeling that something just isn't right. He can't even say I miss you too. And I hate bing in a relationship where he cant even tell me he loves me. I LOVE HIM to death. I want him to b the one for me. I don't want any other guys out there. I just wish he was as sweet as before we ever broke up. I wish he told me he loved me and called me on his lunch break every day and texted me all the time. We were inseparable. And now he doesn' seem to wanna talk on the phoe at all. He just seems annoyed all the time like he can't stand me. This time he does want sex thought. Sometimes think he decided to commit to me just so he could have sex with me. Because he seems to hate me other wise. I',m so sweet to him but i don't get the same in return. I would ask him when I wouldsee him next ad he would jus be like "I have no idea" with sort of an attitude. It's really painful. I'm working so hard to make this work. Today is saturday, I asked him if he wanted to hang out and he said he can't because he has to go to his sister's event til 8:30 and that he has work early tomorrow morning. I think is bull, I think he just doesn't want to see me. I have a gut feeling there's something going on that I don't know about. I hope i'm just being paranoid. But last time he ALMOST broke up with me because I asked him to reasure me he was't gonna cheat on me. He's cheated on his gf from high school when he was 17, he's now 22 almost 23, and I hope hematured, but I still felt insecure so i asked him to reasure me and he got so angry he treatened to break up. I ended up begging him to not break up and he said you really are a nice person and really deserve someone nice but this just isn't working out. I told him to give me one more chance and he did. But he's still acting cold and last night he sounded like he was gonna break up with me during an argument because he wasnt answering his phone so i called him and texted him like crazy. I feel so paranoid. There's just this gut feeling I have that tells me there's something bad I don't know about. He also seemed like he didnt want to change his relationship status on facebook. He gave me the excuse that he never ever goes on his facebook so that he will not change his realtionship status. I started being pushy with him so he told me he would do it when he gets the chance. I think he's lying. I think he doesnt want to do it. He sent a text last night to my by accident that was supposed to be for his friend. It sai "That fucking bitch is home" Can you beliee this dude? Thank god thought it's over. He was saying that because I told him I went to see him and my car stopped in the middle of the road and that i needed to get in touch with him. He wasnt answering hisd phone all night so i told him to answer because it was en emergency. He clle dme back at 2 o clock telling me he fell asleep. I think he's lying. I think he was with his friend the whole time at the party his friend was because he told me he was gonna be with him. I don't know if we broke up. I Guess i'm going to assume we are. What should I do?? Give him space and see if he contacts me??
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a break, broke up, crush, facebook, get back together, got back together, his ex, I love you, insecure, liar, move on, my ex, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): http://www.treatment4addiction.com/addiction/love/
http://www.findingstone.com/allkindsofstuff/couples/sexual.htm
First let me state that I am not a professional therapist or psychologist, but from your story here, I think you have a problem. Read the above articles and see if you don't see some of your relationship patterns in them.
If these don't apply, you may have a common disorder Obsessive Compulsive Disorder where you ask your partner endless questions for information to calm your fears which creates more analysis and more fears and more pressure and questions which pushes your partner away and basically drives them nuts....with annoyance.
I am not saying that this is the case, your boyfriend could be a complete jack ass I don't know him. But the fact that you are going to the hospital devestated over one guy just to meet another and date two weeks, tells me you are a little too dependent, somethings off.
There is treatment for all of this if you seek it. Or if you are truly just traumatized over your relationships or breakups, get some help! There is no need to live like this in fear an agony. I don't know how to solve your problem with this particular relationship, all I can see is from the sounds of it, you are a little obsessive in your pursuit of attachment and reassurance....maybe.
Go see about it, make an appointment with your GP and tell them all the stress you have been under and what you have been thinking and feeling and they can recommend a therapist for you. I think it will be one of the best things you ever do for yourself, really!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (13 December 2009):
 Yes, I think you should give him space. You're sounding a little desperate and as though you might be coming on too strong. I think a little easing up on the pressure on guys would be a good thing. Also, don't do the hooking up thing quite so readily, they might not understand that you really want more. It confuses them.
Good luck!
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