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female
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anonymous
writes: hi just need some advice.I started seeing my boyfriend late october time last year we were only really seeing eachother and not actually a couple until after christmas...i found out recently that he had a long term relationship with a girl when we first met who he probably saw 2 or 3 times while i started seeing him. he did sleep with her a couple times whilst i was seeing him. he finished with her in mid december and our relationship has been good since. he has been faithful and nothing but honest about everything bar this. he said he didn't tell me because he fell in love with me and was very scared he'd lose me if i knew the truth. he did for a little while when i found out but my parents (knowing all the circumstances) advised me to atleast consider staying with him. he told me he was deeply unhappy with his ex and was looking for a way out but couldn't find the courage to tell her it was over and waited until she got fed up with him and finished with him (think she also found out about me)but they had grown apart long before i came on to the scene. he also said his reasons for sleeping with her were because it was part of the facade of being with her when i finished with him he was unconsolable, no usual pleading it wouldnt' happen again and all that rubbish, just said he loved me so much and couldn't bare to lose me my instincts told me he was being genuine and their usually right.i jst wonder whether i should carry on with him, i think it was something he regrets very much and he admits his was a coward. question is should i give him a chance to prove his worth? i just wonder if my parents (who've been happily married for 28 years and love me dearly) would tell me to stay with him if they thought he was a really bad person??? i don't think he did it for gratification having two women on the go, do u think maybe he's just human and made a mistake? is that possible or is the old saying "once a cheat always a cheat" always the case?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2006): Hi,I am surprised to read your dilemma because a very similar situation happened with me. I was with a guy for 3 mths until I found out he had a long term partner, with he said he was unhappy with.The main thing that needs to be dealt with is the trust issue. I felt betrayed yet at the same time, he was completely honest and said that he wanted ME and not his ex. Further on down the track he started to text her, with my knowledge. She was pleading for him back but he stood his ground and choose me over her.I believe that a man that would endure this type of humiliation and baring his soul and the mistake he made is worth giving a chance.You will need to rebuild trust, for me that was very hard, but try to think of what he sacrificed for you. Why would he want to endure the same pain again?Also remain understanding.
A
female
reader, Hot (Advice) +, writes (19 July 2006):
 Hmmm. I think he sounds genuine and is not a cheater. Sounds like he was trying to spare his ex girlfriends feelings by trying to find an easy way out of the relationship. The fact that he wasn't pleading with you and reassured you that he loves you very much when you fininshed with him indicates his maturity and that he really did not want to rock the boat with you. I'd say give him a chance, men are fools sometimes, they are not the best communicators. Give him that little chance , you know you want to honey, tell him though to please be honest in future about anything!
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