A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I have been dating a man that when we first started dating still had feelings for his ex of 5 years, they have 2 young children together and have been broken up for 2 years He at the time said he did want to get back with her and is tying to get over her and still has those feelings because she is the mother of his kids.I made the decision to continue talking to him hoping he will get over her and we could continue a healthy relationship. That did indeed happen, everything was going to smooth for a bit, then we started having some problems in august. He since has done a 180 turn around for the good but here is the problem...I don't know why I decided to go through his phone yesterday but I saw in his texts at the end of august he sent here messages saying he loves her and wants to be with only her and he wants to put the family back, while she replys with , leave me alone, I don't want to be with you or anyone etc.He damn near begged her to come with him on a trip where he was going to visit his dad, but at the time when he was making the plans lied and switched it around and told me she asked him could she go when the text revealed otherwise.I of course broke up with him and told him It was over done! He is saying he made a mistake, we was having problems at the time and he wasn't sure where the relationship was going to go and he says "she" brought it up so he figured why not give it a try. But now he has decided to be with me and make it work with me.My question is should I give him another chance or let him go in fear of this happening again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): sorry dear. but it looks like your guy's a real loser. he just wants you around because he can't have her & the kids back. the fact that she won't take him back despite the kids speaks up a lot about this guy's real quality (she should know better having started a family with him & all). & what does that make you? a 2nd rate temporary substitute while he desperately tries to fix his life back with them. either way, he's just using you & wouldn't choose you over them if things were better for him. ditch the a**hole & get yourself a better man! stand up for yourself & be strong!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello, I would like to thank everyone for their honest advice. It really helped me.I have broken up with him and have given him 30 days to move out of my apartment. He of course denied everything and said since we were having problems at that time and that since "she" came to him about getting back together(which I don't believe) he thought it would benefit him to see if things would work out with her and since they didn't I shouldn't worry about it! ha yeah right!I told him it's the principal! He doesn't see the wrong in what he has done which puzzles me but whatever. I'm just relieved that it is over and once he's gone I can finally move on because I'm a good woman and I deserve better. Thanks again ladies!
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (15 October 2008):
 This guy is still in love with his ex, and sorry to say, but you will always be 2nd! You deserve better so give him his marching orders!
Honeygirl
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (15 October 2008):
 He figured, "why not give it a try". That shows just how much he cares about you.
It don't matter if he gets over her or not, he has shown how easily he got over you. No matter what happens between him and his ex, you are NOT that important to him, just someone to have sex with in the meantime.
Not what you want to hear, but do you really want to be 2nd best and whenever his ex calls he goes running back?
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A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (15 October 2008):
 I don't want to hurt you or upset you in any way but this man is still in love with his ex. He is using you as a fall back and that it not right. You love him and he just uses you so he is not alone all the while hoping he may be able to get back with the mother of his children. Think about this - do you think he would still be with you if she said yes I'll take you back? I don't think so. This is also quite likely to happen as a woman on her own with two kids is probably going to take the father back eventually once she has got over whatever split them up.
You are far too nice for this man and you don't deserve to be treated like this waiting around on the offchance. Easier said than done I know but you need to walk away or have some time on your own for a while. If you break things for a while you will also be able to see how true and real his feelings are for you. All the very best
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): He's in love with her, you knew that when you got with him. Now if his ex said yes, you would have been the one dumped. You should pack your bags and move on. Your just the replacement
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): Don't subject yourself to this kind of crap.Don't walk, run away. He doesn't know what he wants, and he will just keep running back and forth to you like a yo-yo. Don't let him do that to you. You deserve better.
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