A
female
age
30-35,
*ueenofthegreen27
writes:Long story short...been dating a guy for over 6 months..we used to get together about twice a week but then a month or 2 ago there was a big misunderstanding that made me back off of him for a month. But now we're back to dating, but now we've only seen each other once a week on average. Feel like he's not coming on as strong. I tried to make the effort to contact him first every few days and he is always very receptive. I thought that would help him contact me..but I've stopped and it takes him like all week to contact me.. it's usually when hes drinking, but it's just to talk, never a booty call or anything. When we are together he is very good to me..buys me food, cooks for me, makes sure I'm comfortable, he remembers everything I do and even from a long time ago he remembers songs I've mentioned I love and learns them on guitar for me. He gives me books he wants me to read and lyrics from his favorite music. He tells me about his problems and other things in his life and he even invited me to his mom's wedding, and tells me all about his family. He offers to let me take to his car to work sometimes so he obviously trusts me. And when we are together he sometimes spends 2-3 days straight with me. He texted me I love you once when I hadn't replied to his texts for a while since I was at work. I texted it back but we haven't discussed it.Recently, I looked on his instagram (he knows I have one since we are friends but I don't have any posts so I don't think he knows I use it), and saw him commenting on other girl's pictures, "come hang out with me" "can I come see you?" "Can I take you out", I don't think he's seeing them because they don't reply but that's not what matters. We've never had the talk, so we aren't exclusive, but it still hurts me and I want to be exclusive with him and I want to see him more often. I know you can't force someone to want to see you, but this isn't working for me. Should I tell him what I want or should I just stop talking to him?
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female
reader, Queenofthegreen27 +, writes (31 August 2014):
Queenofthegreen27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know if anyone is going to see I posted this, but I finally told him. I was leaving his house today and before I walked out the door I stopped, and turned around and asked him if he wanted to just keep seeing each other once in a while, hanging out and having sex.He was like "what do your mean?" I said I couldn't keep doing it because it was hurting me too much and told him that I am thinking about it too much and every time I see him I get feelings for him, and it bothers me going days without talking to him or seeing him.The answer I received was, "Can we talk about this another time.?" I said, "What do you mean another time? When will we ever talk about this? I don't want to keep saying another time. I don't want to have to come back here another time so we can just talk about it. You can't even just talk to me? I'm not angry with you." Then he said "I'm speechless. I don't know what to say right now and I need to go to sleep and take a nap before work." I said "OK then, should I just stop coming here?" He said, "if you have to." I tried not to be emotional and lay it on him too fast, but come on. Most people are going to get at least a little emotional putting there feelings out there and being vulnerable. Maybe, I shouldn't have bought it up, not right when I was about to leave but, I am disappointed in the way he responded. I know he has a hard time talking about his feelings, but to me it seemed so cowardly that I was honest with him, and he couldn't just be direct with me as well. So I'm disappointed, but I'm actually feeling very proud of myself for having the guts enough to tell him how I felt.I'm glad I took a step in the right direction of going for what I want instead of letting fear keep me stuck in a situation I was unhappy about.
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (17 August 2014):
 Just have a talk with him. He may not think you want something serious, he may not want something serious. You won't know until you talk to him. Be upfront and honest. Tell him you would like to have an official relationship with him and ask where he stands. If he is content where it's at then move on because this doesn't work for you. If he wants a relationship too then great, discuss how you want to see him more and how you want to hear from him first more often.
I really don't think it matters who has the conversation first. You need to know where he stands so find out. Waiting for him may mean sitting in this state forever. And saying nothing and to stop talking to him may have you question "what if?"
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2014): I don't think you should "just stop talking to him" until you tell him your feelings and what you want and find out what he wants.
If he doesn't want the same as you, then you can decide to go no contact (stop talking to him. That will help you heal and move on from him. Don't agree to be friends because that's not really working at the moment, is it?
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A
female
reader, Queenofthegreen27 +, writes (16 August 2014):
Queenofthegreen27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie, I never said he was my boyfriend?????? Anyway, yes we are friends and we do have very passionate sex when we see each other (I know, I know..it might not matter to him). I want to spend more time with him but I also want him to make contact with me as well instead of waiting almost a week (you know)..and no we have not had the talk, but it goes both ways. I mean, do you think that if he wanted to be with me he would have asked me to be his girlfriend already? (I don't think the responsibility should all be placed on him to ask about exclusivity. I'm just asking for your honest opinion.) Thanks.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 August 2014):
 It's been 6 months and you two haven't even talked about being or not being exclusive?
I am not sure why you call him your BF, because it doesn't SEEM like you two are more then friends who (maybe) occasionally have sex too?
If you WANT to be bf/gf and spend more time WITH him then why not SIMPLY talk to him? Ask him what HE wants and tell him what you want, if you are both on the same page you can move forward, if you are not, then you know you are wasting your time.
TALK. He isn't a mind reader, you aren't a mind reader.
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