A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am conflicted. One of my best friends is a boy and he has been lacking in effort for quite a while which I'm now fed up with but I accepted because he's different from my best friend that's a girl probably because he's a boy. That said I really am tired of it. I have told him a fair bit and this was the last time because I don't need it when I have other friends.He finally asked me today to call him later and I said I would buy now I'm considering not calling him. He can't call or text me, long story, but he never asks either so it was a nice start. Now I'm wondering if I should apply the 'taste of your own medicine' and not call him tonight but wait until tomorrow if he asks or if I remember. Thing is that I'm not really like that. I make effort and this thing does bug me and I'm not like that because I don't say stuff and not do it so now I'm conflicted as to what to do. It probably sounds petty but I wouldn't make a big thing of it with him, just a one time thing to see if he realises it doesn't feel great expecting something that doesn't show up. Should I call him or not??
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (2 August 2012):
 It's now probably a moot question, as it is late there in Ireland. There's another girl here from the UK who has similar issues with her best friend who is a boy. I think both of you may find yourselves in lopsided friendships, where you (and her) both think the boy feels the same way back. I think both boys have ADHD, if I recall correctly, and this doesn't help, if the boy in question isn't managing that syndrome appropriately.I expect that in this case, if you don't ring him, the guy won't really feel the 'pain' like you do, when he fails to get in touch with you. He'll be doing whatever it is he does in the evenings and won't be angry with you if you don't call.You wrote, "he finally asked me today to call him later." Does this mean you had a conversation or were you texting or otherwise messaging? Honestly, why doesn't he call you? He's put the onus of rowing the relationship boat squarely back on you. If he says, "call me," it means you are the one doing the work.I'd turn it around on him. "No, you call me. I'll be home later."Honestly, I have told the other girl this several times now, I think your expectations about the extent of the relationship aren't going to be met by this guy. He simply isn't doing his share of what you think a best friend should do...I would keep your word, call him, but then don't allow him to put all the work of nurturing the friendship on you. If he does, that means he's not all that great a friend. Lower your expectations, perhaps, and contact him once in a while. If he allows the friendship to die, well, that's a pretty big clue he's not as 'best' a friend as he could be.Good luck, I hope it all works out!
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