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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I've begun noticing unpleasant things about my boyfriend and I've come to the conclusion that he is controlling... I just couldn't figure it out for the longest time because he is so timid and he has never lifted a finger on me...I never thought he would EVER be the controlling type. But we will never go to any place unless he says yes. If we go to a huge plaza for one specific place and I ask to go to a store IN the plaza, nearby, to make a 10 minute stop so I can buy something essential, he will say "NO, we're here for this and this not that and that." At a restaurant, he doesn't let me pick certain dishes and we can only have dessert if he's feeling like it. Once at his apartment, I accidentally undid a loose screw in the pantry door and it broke, swinging off the hinge... I stood there for about 2 minutes, being so scared to tell him, because he goes off about little things (he goes around with a vacuum, moaning and groaning about my hair being "all over the place." ) I felt myself wince at the thought of telling him I broke it, even though it wasn't fully my fault. He of course blew his top and I felt so awkward and uncomfortable. I am actually nervous about doing something wrong at his apartment in front of him, or breaking something by accident because he will react in a very unhealthy way and blame me and get extremely annoyed. I shouldn't have to fear him and should feel confident speaking to him right?Should I get out of this relationship? It's been 3 years and it's getting worse.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): Um sweetheart leave you are to young to be in prison you shouldn't have to walk on egg shells.
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (1 September 2012):
 Yes please get out. Those are all warning signs of an abuser. My father is one and my mom has shared some tell tale signs. The controlling nature to the point of not allowing you to visit a store or eat what you want will only get even worse. And being scared to talk to him is another huge red flag. I remember my father blowing up at times over the stupidest things, like a fork being dirty or food hanging off his plate. My mother keeps almost everything from him to avoid his tirades, it isn't a relationship, it is sad. She is at the point where she has been with him so long she won't ever have the courage to leave, he broke her. You need to leave now. It will get much worse.
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A
female
reader, chaijam  +, writes (1 September 2012):
You're getting the right idea here. Well done for recognising that this man is absolutely no good for you.
It definitely does not sound like you're in a healthy relationship. He makes it sound like you being around his apartment is a burden on him! If he can't treat his girl right then he does not deserve her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): You obviously cannot feel comfortable, relaxed and secure around him. Leave him, and find a man who will care for you and make you feel those things.
Update us on how you get on.
Xx
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