A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I could really do with some relationship advice as I am unsure whether or not I am being wise in my actions or just letting my selfish attitude get in the way. Around five months ago I was asked out by a female friend of mine. She is a really nice person and I do like her. I told her I was flattered but I wasn't interested. This was mainly due to the fact that she has two children from two previous relationships and no matter what I just don't think that getting involved with somebody else's children is something I could handle if the relationship got serious. Being friends, we have continued to talk and text each other and again she has mentioned the possibility of us getting together. This is the part where I don't know if I am being wise, selfish or just plain stupid. I have since bought a property which I am due to move into later on this year. In the five months since my female friend asked me out she has had to move back in with her parents due to the fact that she can no longer afford the property she was renting. Even though I am aware she asked me out long before I bought a property of my own my feeling now is that if I started a relationship with her I will be seen as her 'way out' as she has stated many times that she hates it back at home and from the sounds of it she has no plans to even consider getting a place of her own. Please let me explain that I do not view women as golddiggers and I admit that I may be getting way ahead of myself here. My initial fear of getting into situations like this stems from my upbringing where I watched my father go through two divorces, losing everything he had twice over and myself and my half brother only seeing him at weekends in rented accommodation. I am single yes, and as much as I enjoy most of my time on my own I would be lying if I said didn't get lonely. I am not a big drinker and do not care much for clubs and pubs these days but on the odd occasions where I do go out for a drink with friends the women I meet are not relationship material which then makes me think that starting a relationship with my friend with the two children would be more appealing. I am also aware that if my attitude does not change I am probably doomed to stay on my own forever as I think I am looking for Miss Right who doesn't exist!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 1st. It takes two incomes for most households with children to make it today. This is not necessarily something you should hold against her unless you have other evidence that she is not good at managing her money.
2nd. The number one rule here is that you never use a
momma with little kids for a booty call.
3rd. What exactly are you afraid of if you ask her to go out with you/move in with you, that she might look at you like a knight in shinning armor? And fall in love with you for it.
Would that really be so bad???
4th Nothing says it has to last forever, so what is the worst that could happen? It doesn't work out and you break up? That is the same for any woman you might seriously date.
5th Do you know what we regret most at the end of our lives, not the things we do or the chances we take, but the ones we didn't take because we were to afraid to try.
A
female
reader, MamaBear +, writes (16 March 2011):
You gave very honest reasons for why you do not want to get involved with this lady friend. Please stick to your guns! Most women who are divorced or alone and have children, also have a rough time financially. I know. I was a single parent to four children. We had just enough to keep the wolf from the door I had a good job and child support. DO NOT get involved in the two children's lives, if you are not serious about a future with their mother and them.. Kids want a dad and a mom. So, they already have big problems with having different fathers in the picture and grandparents, etc. Being alone is not the worst thing in the world! Enjoy your new property and find things to fill your life. Being a parent is a heavy responsibility.
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